


Of Paper Hearts

by sdlucly



Category: The OC
Genre: Break Up, F/M, M/M, boys will always love each other, pre slash, the girls know best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 20:19:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 39,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sdlucly/pseuds/sdlucly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many will love you, but none so pure and deep</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally started in 2006, but finished in 2007, because the muses were being a pain. Posted in my livejournal, over [here](http://sdlucly.livejournal.com/255883.html#cutid1).

Alex pulls into the parking lot, killing the engine. She jumps out of the car, running a hand through her shoulder-length hair as she leans against the passenger door of the jeep and waits.

It doesn't take long. Two minutes later students make their way down the stairs of the front halls of Harbor High school.

She tilts her head, eyes scanning for the person she's looking for. After another minute, she sees him and her grin widens.

Ryan and Seth make their way out of the school and down the stairs. Ryan seems to be saying something to Seth as he leans in closer to the other man. She can't help but frown. She might be wrong, but she thinks she sees Ryan nudging Seth with his elbow and Seth ducking his head.

Seth turns to look at the parking lot as Ryan says something else and he sees her. Seth grins, waving at her. The grin comes back to her lips and she waves back. Ryan seems to lose his smile as they both make their way toward her.

"Hey," Alex says, her tone low and hitched.

"Hey," Seth answers back, standing before her.

He doesn't say anything else, doesn't need to, as he leans forward and kisses her. She smiles into the kiss, her hands going around his neck. She opens one eye, noticing Ryan shifting as he stands four feet from them, before closing her eyes once again.

When they pull apart, Alex turns to look at Ryan. He only lifts his head in acknowledgement. Alex does the same.

"Dude, you totally took me by surprise." Seth almost bounces on his heels. "What are you--?"

She shrugs nonchalantly. "I thought I could give you a ride, you know?"

Seth nods, giving her another kiss before making his way around the car. "I'll see ya at home," he says to Ryan as he jumps into the car.

Ryan nods, hands griping the strap of his bag. "Sure. See ya."

Starting the car, Alex looks at Ryan for a moment. Neither of them knows what to the say to the other.

"Well, bye." She gives him a tight smile.

He nods at her. "Bye."

She pulls out of the parking lot, her gaze shifting to the rearview mirror. Ryan watches the car drive by for another moment before turning around, probably toward the Range Rover.

"So," she says, turning around to glance at Seth for a moment before looking back at the street, "how was school?"

Seth chuckles. "Do you really want to know?"

She chuckles as well. "Nah, not really. Just thought I'd do small talk."

"Of course."

"Of course."

Seth's hand moves to her knee, slowly making its way upward to her thigh. She bites down on her lower lip, looking at him with a tilted head. "What do you think you're doing?"

He shrugs naturally. "I really like you."

She nods appreciatively, the grin not quite leaving her lips. "Good, coz we've been dating for two months."

"I know that."

"You better."

They fall into comfortable silence, broken by Seth's voice five minutes into the drive. "Oh, crap, I forgot."

She looks at him through the corner of her eyes. "What?"

"I gotta call Ryan."

She frowns. "What? Why--?"

"I was supposed to remind him he had to call Kevin." Seth shrugs, getting out his cell phone. "We both knew he'd forget, so he told me. I just remembered about it." 

"Seth, we're going to my place to have sex and you're thinking about Ryan." She lifts an eyebrow in his direction. "There's something very wrong with this."

Seth chuckles, shaking his head. "Sorry, but if he forgets, then he's screwed. He needs the notes for his biology paper due Friday."

Alex rolls her eyes, gazed fixed on the road. "Yeah, whatever."

"Dude, you gotta call Kevin." Alex hears Seth say, then a chuckle from his lips. "Nah, dude, I know you. You totally forgot. Yeah, you did." Another chuckle.

Alex grips the wheel tighter, lips pressed tightly into a thin line. Seth doesn't say anything for a moment and Alex dares to look at him out of the corner of her eye.

He's smiling, the corners of his lips curling upward in a ghost of a smile, tender on his lips. Alex can't help but think that a smile shouldn't be there by talking only with Ryan.

*****

Ryan reads the last line of the theorem again, trying to understand it. He sighs, wondering if maybe this wasn't written in English and some of the meaning got lost in the translation. That has to be the answer because he refuses to believe he's too thick headed to get it.

Lifting his eyes from the book, he gazes at Lindsay. Her head is bent down, while her hand writes down equation after equation in her notebook.

Apparently, she's not having any problems with the chapter like Ryan is. Looking down at his notebook once again, Ryan tries another approach to the exercise with no success.

"Well, that's it."

He looks up once again. Lindsay grins in his direction, closing her book as she does so.

"I'm done," she says, gathering the books together in the corner of the table. "Do you need any help--?"

Ryan shakes his head, writing down a bogus equation as a final line of the exercise and closes his notebook. "No, no. I just finished it as well."

She nods and he reaches for his backpack. He'll read the theorem tonight, once he gets home. He'll read it until he gets what he's supposed to do, to understand, and then he'll finish the seven exercises he hasn't even looked at yet.

After getting everything together, they sit down on the couch as Lindsay turns on the TV.

Ryan slides his arm along the back of the couch, Lindsay snuggling into Ryan's side. He looks down at her as she places her head on his shoulder. Gazing at him, she tilts her head and kisses him.

Ryan doesn't really pay attention to the TV. Lindsay likes watching TV after homework. Ryan's gotten used to playing Nintendo as a reward.

"Hey," she says after a moment, shifting in her seat and placing her arm around Ryan's midsection, "my mom has been talking about doing something together for a while now. She thought we could go sailing this weekend."

She looks up at Ryan, blue eyes soft and filled with love. "Do you like sailing?"

Ryan shrugs nonchalantly, gazing at Lindsay for a moment before placing a kiss on the top of her head. "Not really. It's not my thing. That's more like Seth's thing. He loves it. I usually just tag along."

She had been expecting it, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want him there, with her. Her right hand makes small circular movements over his chest. "I was hoping you'd come."

"Sorry," he says, grimacing slightly. "I have homework and I'm really bad at it. You go."

"Oh. Okay." Lindsay places another kiss on his collarbone. She tells herself not to see double meaning in the denial, not to think anything about it. She tells herself not to think that if he really wanted to go, he would make time and do it. "I mean, I can talk my mom into doing something else--"

"No, no, don't do that. Go. Have fun."

After a moment, she nods, placing her head on his shoulder. There's not much she can say if he doesn't want to go with her. As she focuses on the TV, she doesn't remember all the times she's heard Ryan telling her about Seth and him going sailing.

She won't push him to do something he doesn't want to, just for her. She's not that kind of girlfriend, she tells so herself. Reaching for the remote, Lindsay starts zapping through the channels.

She pauses on the movie channels, always looking for something to catch her eye. She pauses in HBO, a scene she doesn't recognize, three men talking.

_"Erik? Erik Lensherr? You have access to him?"  
"Magneto, yes. We developed the technology that built his plastic prison."_

"Oh, Seth will love this."

Lindsay looks up at Ryan as he shifts, extracting his arm from around her shoulders to reach into his pocket for his cell phone.

She frowns. "You recognize this movie? From two lines?" Her gaze shifts to the screen once again, paying attention the dialogue, _"We don't know but it comes up out of the basketball court. If we were--"_

She's surprised when Ryan nods. "Yeah, X2."

When Lindsay raises one eyebrow, Ryan chuckles. "We watched the movie five times," Ryan gives as an explanation. "Actually, Seth dragged me five times, more likely."

Well, yeah, _that_ she can understand.

"X2 on HBO," Ryan says into the phone, a grin on his lips. "Right now."

Lindsay notices how Ryan doesn't even greet Seth on the phone. Like Seth knows it's Ryan. Like Seth knows Ryan has something important to tell him. She swallows through the sudden tightness in her throat and she tells herself jealousy is unbecoming of her.

Ryan chuckles, shaking his head and he leans back against the back of the couch, his face relaxed.

"Well, you've been bugging me about getting the DVD. No, we're not. Seth, it's bad enough we have the trilogy. Yeah, well, I know most of Legolas' lines. That's not right."

Lindsay tilts her head, watching as Ryan smiles at Seth's response before laughing, his eyes lighting up.

"Yeah, well, watch it." Ryan shrugs. "Yeah, we'll probably watch it as well. Yeah, yeah, that scene with Wolverine throwing the army men over his shoulders. I know." Ryan snorts. "Whatever."

Ryan's gaze flickers to the TV as Wolverine hugs Rogue. Lindsay can't help but stare at Ryan, at the way his face responds to Seth's voice. The corners of Ryan's lips curl upward, completely calm and relaxed. For a moment, she wonders if he looks like this with her.

Suddenly, Ryan grimaces. "Seth, argh, that's disgusting. He's twice her age! He doesn't want her. No, Seth, he doesn't want Rogue. You're seeing things." Ryan rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. You're ruining the movie for me now, so stop it."

Apparently, Seth stopped it because Ryan's face relaxes into a soft smile.

"So, what do you want for dinner? No, no, Thai. Not tonight."

Lindsay rolls her eyes, folding her hands on her chest as she turns around and pretends to watch the movie.

She recognizes Hugh Jackman and she smiles at his handsome face as he throws a set of keys to another young and very good-looking man. She doesn't know enough of the story to know his name.

"Now, _that's_ sexual tension."

Lindsay stares at Ryan for a moment, grinning into the phone. He shakes his head at Seth's response.

"Yeah, whatever. Dinner, Seth. Dinner. Okay, sure, I can stop by. Some lasagna, ravioli. Two orders of garlic bread, of course. Sure. I'll be there in about an hour. Ice cream sounds great. Don't worry, I'll be there for the adamantium fight. Okay, yeah, sure."

Ryan closes the cell phone off and she notices he doesn't say goodbyes either. With Seth, at least, he doesn't.

She gives him a tight smile as he settles in again, leaning against the couch. "You leaving?" She asks, her voice sounding small to her own ears.

"Yeah, in a while."

"I thought you could stay for dinner." Well, she hadn't actually thought about it, but the possibility had been there.

Ryan turns around, looking at her with surprise. "You didn't say."

"I didn't think you'd leave," she tells him, her tone clipped.

Ryan grimaces, looking very guilty. Good, she thinks. Good. "Sorry, it's just..." He shrugs. "Seth's been alone all afternoon. I'm pretty sure he's bouncing off the walls right about now. But I can stay if you want me to."

His voice lowers as he finishes the sentence and she wants to roll her eyes at him. Right, like suddenly she's not feeling guilty enough as it is for keeping Ryan away from his friend. It should be the other way around, but she knows Seth would never feel guilty about having Ryan to himself. Somehow that's a given.

Lindsay isn't sure she's comfortable with that thought.

"No, don't worry about it." She shrugs, her shoulders tense and her lips pressed into a thin line.

He doesn't seem to notice, or care, as he leans forward and kisses her. He doesn't say anything when she doesn't kiss him back.

Ryan only leans back, arm sliding along the back of the couch and continues watching the movie. Lindsay bites the inside of her cheek, resting against his chest as she pretends to enjoy the movie as Seth watches it at home.

*****

Ryan takes Lindsay's hand as they walk into the lounge, Seth on the other side of Ryan. They make their way toward the coffee shop and Ryan tells her about her Calculus class. She listens to him as Seth buys a Mocha. 

She frowns, her eyes glancing at Seth's back as he pays for the coffee. That's weird. She could have sworn it was Ryan who drank the Mocha while Seth liked cappuccino. Shrugging idly, she smiles when Ryan leans forward and gives her a kiss. 

"Done," Seth says and the three of them make their way to one of the couches. 

Ryan and Lindsay take one and she leans back against Ryan's chest, his arm going around to her neck. She smiles, her head resting on his shoulder. 

She looks at Seth as he places the coffee on the center table. In the middle, she notices and frowns. She doesn't think much of it as they start talking about their plans for the weekend, and the test they have next week. 

After a moment, Ryan pulls away from her to lean forward and pick up the cup of coffee. She frowns, head tilted to the side as she sees Seth's smiling as Ryan takes a long drink of the same. 

She blinks, confused and a moment later the knowledge seems to make sense. Seth doesn't really like Mocha, but Cappuccino. Ryan likes the Mocha, and Seth knew that as well as Lindsay did. She purses her lips, her throat tight. She wonders if this has happened before and she hasn't noticed. 

Placing the cup back onto the table, Lindsay expects Ryan to lean back against the couch and places his arm around her shoulders. Only, he doesn't. He pulls a chocolate out of his satchel, opening it and handing it to Seth. 

Seth smiles, taking it from Ryan's hand not saying anything. He bites down on it and gives it back, all in the span of only seconds. 

Lindsay doesn't know what to say and wonders if saying anything is even safe. After a moment, Ryan turns around and offers it to her. "You want?" 

Her gaze shifts to the name, Sneakers. She thought Ryan didn't like peanuts. "No, thanks." 

He smiles at her and leans forward to give her a kiss. She removes the small worry from her mind as he leans back onto the couch and she rests her head on his shoulder once again. 

She closes her eyes and relaxes into his touch. She only opens them a moment later when she feels a shift on the couch. Looking up at Ryan, she notices that he has the cup of coffee in his hands. She glances at Seth, still sitting on the other side of the table, chocolate in his hands. 

She bites the inside of her cheek, eyes closed, and presses her forehead harder against his collarbone. 

*****

Lindsay tells herself she doesn't mind that, at school, it's never just her and Ryan but her, Ryan _and_ Seth. They are best friends, she tells herself. Almost brothers. It's only understandable that they spend so much time together. She understands.

They sit together during lunch, all three of them. It would be easier, or more comfortable at least, if Alex was at this school. Then it would be four instead of three, and she wouldn't worry about Seth being a third wheel. As she cocks her head to the side, eyes glancing at Seth as they make their way toward a table outside the cafeteria, she realizes Seth looks as comfortable as one can be, not at all bothered by the feeling of third wheel. Then maybe it's just her.

She only has a salad, and she pours the dressing onto it as Ryan and Seth unwrap their sandwiches. She opens her bottle of water, taking a long swallow of it.

She doesn't notice at first. She's not sure how, but she doesn't, and until now, it didn't even seem like much of a big deal. But as she tilts her head to the side and looks at them, at the way they move around each other, at how they behave, she worries and thinks about it, and eyes everything carefully.

Seth reaches forward, over his own plate and toward Ryan's sandwich and with two fingers, he slides out the lettuce, placing it neatly on top of his own lettuce. He barely even notices he's doing it, probably, as he reaches for the coke by his side. Ryan's coke. Ryan, on the other hand, since Seth's sandwich is already opened, picks up the tomato and places it where his lettuce used to be and closes the bread on top of it. 

They don't say anything, don't explain why they are acting like a married couple, they only pick up their sandwiches and start eating, Seth hands Ryan the coke without Ryan even asking for it, almost as if Seth knows Ryan wants it.

Lindsay bites the inside of her cheek because this doesn't look like natural behavior between brothers.

*****

They sit on the couch with the TV on, though they aren't paying much attention to it. Alex shifts, turning around on top of Seth, her chest against his for better access to Seth's collar. Seth groans, loudly, and Alex grins. It doesn't take much for Seth to moan, but she still knows the right spots.

Her hand moves down his chest and to his legs, sliding over the bulge and Seth groans again.

"Don't tease."

The words come out in a whisper and Alex looks up at Seth, eyes glazed over with pleasure. She grins. "I'm not."

They start kissing once again, his tongue over her lower lips and her back curves when Seth touches her between the shoulder blades and down her back.

They're panting before clothes have been shed. She pulls back, sitting down on her heels as she pulls off her top, revealing her breasts to him. He nods in appreciation, one hand reaching to tweak one nipple. She's moaning in the back of her throat, hand reaching to pull down the zipper of his pants when there's a loud ring.

Alex sighs in frustration, head tilted to the side. Seth reaches inside his pants, retrieving the cell phone. She assumes he'll turn it off in a second and they can get back to what they were about to do, when Seth looks up at her and grimaces.

She sighs once again, lifting her leg above him and sitting down on the couch. She shakes her head, picking up the remote. She won't say anything, she won't complain because it might be his parents, it is almost dinnertime, and she can't really expect Seth not to answer if it's his   
pa--

"Ryan, what's up?"

She bites her lower lip not to groan and really, what's up with those two? Can't Seth not fucking answer him for once, if only because they were about to have sex? Fuck.

She doesn't listen, not really, as she starts zapping through the channels waiting for Seth to get off the phone. She shouldn't be bothered by it, probably, but she can't help it. They call each other every other hour, they call only to ask what will the other pick up for dinner. They are worse than girls sometimes.

"Oh. Oh. Sure. Don't worry. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Alex turns around to look at him, arms folded under her bare breasts as he closes the phone and places it inside his pocket. "What did you just say?"

Seth shrugs, zipping his pants and sitting down as well. "I'm sorry," he says, though she doesn't believe him. "Lindsay and Ryan got into a fight, again. And they broke up. Again." Seth rolls his eyes. "Half the time Ryan doesn't know if they're together or not. The thing is, she drove them to her house and Ryan's sitting on the curb, two blocks away from her place."

He shrugs again, standing up and reaching for his jacket, which fell from the couch while they were making out. His erection is long gone, she realizes, and she snorts, reaching for her black top. Whatever.

"I'm sorry."

Yeah, right.

"But I have to go."

When don't you?

Seth smiles at her, leaning forward and giving her a long kiss on the lips. She barely even responds, but he doesn't seem to notice as he pulls away and smiles. "I'll call you tonight."

Don't bother. "Sure." She shrugs. "Go." He's fucking waiting for you.

"Okay." He gives her another kiss and when he pulls away, she leans back against the couch and watches him close the door after himself.

"Fuck." She stands up, making her way toward the small fridge in the kitchen and retrieving a beer. "Fuck you," she whispers into the night, to no one in particular.

*****

Lindsay sighs, looking down at her hands as she takes a deep breath. Her hands are shaking, she notices, shaking badly as she remembers the scene once again in her mind. Caleb, clutching his chest, hand reaching for the edge of the table. Caleb, falling down, taking the tablecloth with him.

A hand covers hers and when she turns around, it's Kirsten looking at her with understanding in her eyes, not Ryan. Kirsten squeezes her hand, nodding as she does so, and Lindsay can only give her a small smile.

I'm sorry, she wants to say. This is probably my fault in some way. I'm sorry.

Lindsay nods once again and Kirsten gives her hand one final squeeze before turning around to look down the hallway.

They've been here too long, no one telling them anything, and she's reaching the end of her rope as she closes her eyes and tilts her head back.

"Do you think he'll die?"

The words are only a whisper, but when she turns around to look for the source, she sees Ryan and Seth sitting together, talking quietly, whispering, one chair away from her in their own little world.

Lindsay blinks, not wanting to hear their conversation but not being able to do anything but.

Ryan shakes his head. "He's too stubborn to die."

That makes Seth smile, and Lindsay wonders if Alex has the same effect on Seth. Seth lowers his head. "I was scared."

"I know."

Ryan sighs, taking Seth's hand in his and Lindsay notices the tenderness in the simple motion. She bites down on her lower lip, head tilted to the side, leaning forward on her knees to have a better look. They would only need to turn around to see without doubt that Lindsay is spying on them. But they won't because they are so drawn to one another that the roof could collapse and they would only notice each other. It's not bitter jealousy she can feel on her lips.

Ryan's thumb caresses the back of Seth's palm, almost lovingly, and Lindsay turns away, not being able to see more. Not as she remembers that after Caleb had fallen, as Kirsten had reached for the phone to call 911 and Lindsay had kneeled by Caleb's ailing figure, Ryan had taken a step back and called Seth. She remembers Ryan saying he was gonna pick up Seth and drive him to the hospital. He was probably with Alex, Lindsay thinks, and she wonders why Alex didn't come with Seth. Why Alex didn't drive Seth there.

Maybe because Ryan offered first. Maybe because Seth would much rather come here with Ryan that he would with Alex. Maybe because Alex understands that, at times like this, the women don't fit in between the two men.

It was Kirsten who drove Lindsay here and they sat down to wait. About half an hour afterward, maybe more, Ryan and Seth walked in, side by side, and took a seat where they are now, to the side, away from the two of them, alone, together.

"I think this is my fault."

That's Ryan's voice and Lindsay turns around to look at them once again. She can’t help it.

Seth shakes his head, chuckling softly under his breath. "You didn't give him a heart attack. You know he kind of had it coming."

Ryan gives Seth a sideways look, the corners of his lips curling upward. "He's your grandfather. I can't believe you said that."

"You know it's true. He's been collecting bad karma since Vegas." 

Ryan chuckles despite himself, she notices, the tension around his shoulders almost lessening. "I had almost forgotten about Vegas."

"I haven't." Seth says, smile on his lips, looking straight at Ryan.

Lindsay frowns. Vegas? Ryan had gone to Vegas? She didn't know that. He never told her.

With a sigh, she realizes, or remembers because this is not the first time she's thought about this, there are so many things about him, about them, about her own family, she doesn't know. There's history between Ryan and Seth. History she might never know. History she might not want to know.

"It's not your fault, Ryan." Seth reaches out, right hand still clasped in Ryan's left one, and he touches Ryan's cheek, smiling as he does so. "It's not your fault."

Ryan seems to lean into the touch, a content smile on his lips and with a sigh, Lindsay turns away. She can't look at them anymore, their touch too personal, too intimate. She doesn't remember the last time Ryan touched her the way Seth touched Ryan, or if Ryan ever reacted to her the way he reacts to Seth.

She leans forward, running a hand through her hair as she tries not to hear the soft words they share with one another. She turns around to look down the hallway, waiting for the doctor to appear, to let them know about Caleb's condition, but more importantly, to break up their moment.

It doesn't happen, of course, but God doesn't seem to be nice to her as of late. Instead, her gaze shifts to Kirsten as she stares down at her folded hands.

Lindsay wonders if she heard Ryan and Seth's exchange, if she was as taken aback by it as Lindsay herself was. But Kirsten's sitting there calmly, like she didn't hear a word. That's not possible. They might have been whispering, but it was loud enough for Lindsay to hear clearly, Kirsten must have. They are still too close to them not to.

A moment later, Kirsten looks up at her and smiles, patting Lindsay's hand comfortably, almost like she understands her, like she knows. It's then that Lindsay's convinced she heard them, she must have, and that it's not an uncommon thing when it comes down to the two of them to do that, to whisper like there's no one else in the room, in the world, but each other.

She's jealous, she admits, of that thing they have that Lindsay doesn't, not with Ryan, not with anyone else. Maybe it's because they are almost siblings, the very same age, and they understand what the other is going through. But she doesn't think that's the reason. It has to be something else, something she can't see because she hasn't known them long enough.

It has to be that. And she wants to know. She wants to ask Kirsten about it, suddenly curious and not being able to stop herself. There is something there and she has to know.

"We're going for coffee."

Seth's words make Lindsay turn around and look at them. They are standing in front of Kirsten and herself, acting as a united front. She blinks, surprised, and really looks at them. They stand so very close to one another, their shoulders are touching. After a moment, Ryan places his arm over Seth's shoulder, his hand clasping Seth's opposite collarbone.

They look so very comfortable with the touch, almost like it couldn't be any other way, like Ryan's hand belongs on Seth's shoulder.

Kirsten nods, and when Lindsay gives her a sideways glance, she sees understanding in Kirsten's eyes. "Sure. We'll be right here."

Both boys nod at once and Ryan gives Lindsay a quick smile before they turn around and make their way down the hallway.

Lindsay looks at their backs, sighing softly. Ryan's hand stays on Seth's shoulder a moment too long. She thinks she sees Ryan squeezing it slightly and Seth leaning against Ryan's side, but she's not certain. And then, Ryan drops his arm. She tells herself she's not certain. Their shoulders are still bumping against one another. Maybe they need the comfort, the soft touch that they can only find in each other.

She doesn't know and, when her gaze shifts to look at Kirsten, she realizes she doesn't want to ask her anymore. Maybe not knowing is, somehow, for the best. She leans back against the chair and waits to hear from the doctor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part took about a year for me to get done, after having done the first part. Yes, yes, I know!

Alex remembers telling Ryan, during the one and only date they had, that she lived for live music. She grins as she calls for Greg, tells him to take the cans out to the bar, because this bar doesn't only serve Coke and juice, you know? She walks out of the office and catches Mindy by the shoulder, tells her that she needs to remind the band that they are on in five minutes. Mindy nods and walks away and now she's giving herself ten minutes to pretend that Seth's actually her boyfriend.

She makes her way to the side of the room, already half filled, music coming from the speakers placed all around, some couples dancing slowly. And then there's Ryan and Seth, standing to one side, yellow plastic glasses filled with Coke.

She smiles, because this is Seth, and he loves live music almost as much as herself. The one big thing they have in common. He likes coming to the shows, even during the school week. Like today, Wednesday, when she knows they have class tomorrow at 8am. But he's here, and because he's here, so is Ryan. Lindsay couldn't make it, and that doesn't set right with her. Ryan explained that Lindsay's mom doesn't like it when she's out on weekdays, and that Ryan understands like a very understanding boyfriend. And he had to come, of course, to keep Seth company, because Alex is working and she can barely give Seth fifteen minutes every other hour and Seth is Seth and of course...

And God, she's babbling like Seth. She shakes her head, makes a detour to the bar and fills herself a cup of beer. She takes a long drink, a very long drink, before deciding to make an appearance and shake off this nagging feeling in the back of her mind.

She walks out of the bar and toward the couple. Argh, the couple, not quite the name she'd like to label them as, to even think about. She takes another drink and as she comes closer to them, she can hear them talk. They are almost screaming, to be heard over the music.

"You could have stayed home," Seth says with a wave of his hand.

Alex thinks she hears Ryan snort. "So you could come on your own and then not be back until three? Or worse, to go Alex's and force me to lie again?" Alex narrows her eyes. She remembers that. Seth told her all about it, about how Ryan was forced to lie and then the two of them ended up grounded, because Ryan can't lie for shit. Ryan shakes his head. "No way. Your parents are still mad at me."

"Dude, I don't get that. I really don't."

"That they were mad at me? I lied, Seth, and you know I'm a lousy liar."

"No, no, dude not that." Alex frowns, hearing the change in tone in Seth and she might not know what that means, but normal, it is not. Still, she can picture Seth rolling his eyes. "That you call them _my parents_."

Ryan chuckles. "Well, Seth, sorry to break this to you, but they are your parents."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. I've told you, Ryan, funny so doesn't suit you. The thing is, they are your parents too."

Ryan ducks his head, obviously not wanting to talk about this, but Seth wouldn't know subtlety if it hit him on the head. Alex isn't surprise when Seth pushes. "Dude, I'm telling you. They are your parents. Like, when you talk, you waste so much breath saying _your parents_ , when you cold totally just say _mom and dad_."

"Seth."

Alex smirks. She doesn't know Ryan well, but she knows guys like Ryan, and that tone he just used? That's his _I don't want to talk about it, Seth_ tone and Alex could bet a month's pay on that one.

"I mean, it's been, what? Year and a half. Wow. A year and a half. We so didn't celebrate the anniversary." Seth shakes his head. "That needs to be fixed, of course, but beyond that, it feels way more than just 18 months. It feels... it feels like a lifetime."

Seth whispers the last part and Alex has to strain herself to hear him. Her eyes open wide with surprise at the comment. Had Seth ever told her something like that, something so deep and meaningful and profound that it seems like he's confessing a secret?

God, she thinks, finishing the glass in one last swallow, she's turning into a girl. A stereotypical label she fucking hates. And worse is this, she wants to hear more, but when Ryan ducks his head to the other side and Seth places his arm along the back of Ryan's shoulders, like it's the way they are, like it's the only way to make Ryan realize it's true, it is a lifetime, for each other at least. She realizes she can't face them unless she has at least another two drinks.

Fuck, she thinks. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._

Because this is not the way it's supposed to be. It's not that easy, not for her and Seth, and for what little she knows about Lindsay, not for Ryan and Lindsay either. But it seems easy for Seth and Ryan, and that tastes as bitter as the straight vodka she drinks.

*****

Ryan walks Lindsay to her last class for Friday, finally, World History, his right arm along her shoulders, her backpack slung over his left shoulder.

"Okay, so, what are you doing this Saturday?" She says with a smile, teeth on lower lip.

"Hmm..." Ryan pauses, lifting both eyebrows slightly, "why?"

Lindsay frowns. That's not exactly the answer she was expecting. "Well, mom thought we could have dinner. Nothing too fancy, but, I don't know." She shrugs. "She wants to take us out, somewhere."

He grimaces and in that moment she knows what his answer will be, and the reason behind it as well. She says nothing and wishes he has something planned with Sandy, or Kristen, or anyone else for that matter.

"The thing is," he says, pausing as they stand three feet from her classroom at the end of the hall. He doesn't look too happy having to tell her this, and she knows she won't be happy at all as she hears this either. "Hmm... I kinda promised Seth we'd do something."

Her smile is tight, her lips pressed into a thin line. She turns her head slightly to the side, watching her classmates make their way into the classroom. Her gaze shifts to the clock on the far end of the hall. Two minutes after eleven. She has eight more minutes before the teacher arrives.

Plans with Seth, huh? Well, isn't that weird. She's not bitter because, really, she's too young to be bitter. And it's bad for the skin.

"Do something, like what?" She asks, as nicely as she can muster.

Ryan seems to ponder the answer for a moment and she knows, she _knows_ , that if he lies, she'll know it in a moment, and make sure he realizes this. "Nothing much."

_Well, it must be something if you're willing to go out with him instead of me._

Her silence is deafening, and he seems to take that as a bad sign. Good for him.

He shrugs, pausing for a moment before sighing. "It's just that..." He shrugs again, and she wonders if he thinks that by pretending it's not important, she'll think the same thing and let it go. Because if he does, he's wrong. After a moment, it's eleven and five, and he has a thing for stalling, he continues. "Seth thought we should go out... hmm, to celebrate."

She squints at him, head tilted to the side. He's not telling her the entire story, that much is obvious. "Celebrate?"

"Yeah," he says, and he ducks, though she can still see the blush on his cheeks. "Our one year anniversary."

Her heart seems to stop for a moment, her hands going cold. Hmm... "What?"

Ryan coughs slightly, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand in an anxious gesture she acknowledges as so him. "My one year anniversary with the Cohens."

"Oh." Her heart seems to try to slow down to a normal rhythm as her hands shake for a moment before stilling. "Oh. Right." There's nothing she can say about that, now, is there?

"We kind of missed it, because we came back just before school started." He lifts his face, giving her a half smile that consists of only a curl of the corner of his lips. "So, hmm, Seth thought we shouldn't... I don't know. He wanted to do something."

This is a family thing, she knows. A family thing probably involving him and Sandy and Kirsten and Seth going out to dinner, somewhere very nice where they can make a toast with bubbling champagne and probably let them have a glass each. Then, maybe, do something else, though she has no idea what.

This certainly isn't something she can ask him to put off for her. She smiles at him, nodding, and leans forward to give him a kiss. Her hand moves to his cheek, caressing lovingly, while his hand finds its way to her waist. She grins against the kiss.

She lingers on his lower lip, her hand still touching him, fingers rubbing against his chin. "It's okay. I hope you have fun."

He gives her a quick kiss before the bell rings. She takes back her backpack, smiling at him. He smiles back.

She turns around and walks into her class, her teacher following her only seconds after. She sits down and takes out her notebook. Oh, well, it's not like she really wanted to go out with her mom and her boyfriend. Still, they can do it next week, after Ryan has his family dinner.

The teacher starts talking about the political repercussions of the Second World War, and she blinks, nods, and reminds herself to tell Ryan to give Kirsten her love.

*****

Alex yawns, running a hand down her hair. She stumbles into the living room, eyeing the mess all around. The party ended, what? Seven? Eight in the morning, something like that. Her glance shifts to the clock. Two in the afternoon. Fuck if she isn't groggy. She blinks, and her eyes feel like they're filled with cotton, or something.

It takes her a minute to find the phone -- under the sofa, pushed against the wall -- and she rubs her eyes with her fists. Seth should be home, it's Sunday after all, but she still calls his cell. She would have invited him over for last night's thing, but he had a thing with his parents. Family dinner, she remembers him saying, and she didn't ask for more details on that.

Seth picks up after the fifth ring. "Hello?"

Alex grins. "Well, good afternoon to you." She sits down on the couch, pushing two beer bottles away to the furthest corner.

"Hey. It's you."

"Yep. It's me." For a moment, they don't say anything. Alex smiles. "So, how was dinner?"

She can almost see him shrugging. "Nothing much to tell, you know. Dad gave this small speech, very impromptu. Mom teared up. Ryan blushed until, I'm pretty sure, there was no blood left in his heart. I was worried for a minute. He could have fainted."

Alex frowns, head tilted as she leans against the back of the couch. "What? Seth, I have no idea what you're talking about. A speech?" Was yesterday his parents' anniversary? Should she have bought them something? Shouldn't Seth have told her what to buy?

"Well, yeah, you know that Dad has a thing for dramatics. I'm pretty sure I got that from him." Another pause, and she pictures him shrugging once again. "He said, you know, things. How it's been an amazing year and something, how Ryan's their son, no matter what, how--"

"Seth?"

"Yeah?"

She takes in a deep breath, tells herself this is her boyfriend, dammit, and she cares about him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

There's a pause and Alex can almost see Seth thinking that maybe they have been talking about two different things. Yes, we have, you ass. "Well, the anniversary. You know. Ryan's anniversary."

What the hell is he talking about? Alex sits on the edge of the couch, hand gripping the receiver. "Ryan's anniversary? And no, you didn't tell me about it, Seth."

You didn't, you stupid idiot. At times, she wonders if he really thinks he tells her these things or if he's mistaken her for someone else in his mind. Like, say, _Ryan._

"Oh, really? You sure?"

She glares at her TV, and the stupid thing never did anything to her. Not like Seth. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Like, sure? Coz I could have sworn I told you."

She can feel her jaw tightening. Idiot, you stupid, stupid idi-- "No, you didn't."

"That's weird. I thought I told you."

Alex inhales slowly, through her flaring nostrils. "Well, you didn't, okay?"

"Oh."

There's an awkward pause, and Alex tells herself to keep her temper in check, it's not right for her, wouldn't be right for her, more like it, to yell at him. He thought he had told her. It's an understandable mistake. But somewhere inside her, deep within, she doesn't quite believe it. And yelling at him right about now would feel pretty damn good.

"Hmm... sorry? I thought I told you."

"So you've said." He doesn't say anything and she knows she's pushed too far, too quickly. She sighs. "Look, hmm... okay, so, anniversary?"

And suddenly, she remembers. Seth didn't tell her, he told _him_. He told Ryan about it, last week, during the concert. Seth told Ryan, and Alex kind of eavesdropped. More like, was at the right place at the right time. Their one-year anniversary they had missed without noticing, and they had, apparently, already celebrated.

Her right hand tightens around the wireless phone.

"Yeah, you know. I told you about it a while ago."

No, you didn't, but we've already had this discussion.

"Last August. Ryan's one-year anniversary as a Cohen. You know, one year already into his new life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt. I'm very proud of him. He hasn't been tortured by water polo players in the last ten months. That's gotta be a record of some kind, for a Newport Cohen, at least."

She doesn't quite get where he's going with this, but she knows him enough to know that if she lets him talk long enough, she'll get stuff out of him that he hadn't planned on telling her in the first place. It's all in the tactics.

"Anyway, it was pretty cool. Dinner and then a movie. Ryan got to pick, and I'm pretty sure that was a first. He chose "Assault on Precinct 13", though I really wanted to watch "Boogeyman". Ryan refused on the grounds that I would get scared." Alex clearly hears Seth snorting. "Me, scared?"

"I take it you had a good time." It's only half a question, and Seth's predictable enough to ramble about it as well.

"Yeah, it was cool. Spent most of the Saturday and Sunday morning playing new games. My mom's present, by the way. Well, kind of a present. And she bought Ryan tons of new clothes, which he said he didn't need, but mom loves shopping anyway."

It wasn't like Alex was expecting anything else. Each and every single moment Seth has free, and Ryan for that matter, they spend it either playing video games or talking, probably. More like Seth doing the talking and Ryan trying to catch up with him, but that's the way things are. The way they are.

"So, how are you?"

The question takes Alex by surprise. Now you remember that I'm your girlfriend and I called you, right? She snorts, low in her throat, and she's certain it doesn't carry through the phone. "Fine," she says after a moment. "I have some things to get done."

"Oh, cool then. Call me later, k?"

Alex nods half heartedly. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. "Sure."

"Bye." 

Alex sighs, closing her yes. "Bye." She clicks the phone off, letting it fall down by her side on the couch.

She rubs her face with her hands, running her fingers through her hair, untangling it. So Seth had a dinner date with Ryan, huh? Okay, not fair. His parents were there. It was an anniversary date. That she had heard before, from Seth's mouth, but as a comment to Ryan, not to her.

She groans, shaking her head. This is getting her nowhere. Seth is who he is, a clumsy babbling guy who kisses with everything he has, like she's the only one in the world he would ever dream of kissing, who makes her laugh. She likes that about him. She likes him, loves him, even, perhaps, at times, when she's not pissed at him. She likes him for who he is, she tells herself. Everything about him. His insecurities and his virtues.

And one of his faults is putting, sometimes, most of the times, Ryan first and foremost.

She tells herself it doesn't matter, that Seth loves her and that's what matters, but there are times that the conviction in her voice falters. This is one of those times. She sighs, shaking her head once again before standing up. She looks around, the place is a mess, but she's starving right now.

Alex makes her way to her kitchen as she decides to make something for breakfast/lunch and not think about Seth and Ryan spending the afternoon together. There's no point in trying to stop the unstoppable.

*****

Lindsay finishes writing down the exercise they are supposed to do during the last fifteen minutes of class before sighing, looking up. She knows how to proceed with the exercise. It's pretty easy, really. All she has to do is calculate the distance, then the force, and with the last theorem they've seen this class, well, it's pretty much done.

Knowing what to do, and somehow not feeling like doing it at the moment, she looks around the room. Some of the students are talking amongst themselves, asking questions here and there. Her gaze shifts to Ryan sitting on her right, head bend down, pencil barely touching his notebook as he seems to analyze the best route for action. She smiles.

She knows Ryan well enough to recognize his mannerisms, and pencil not really touching the page, eyebrows furrowing, Lindsay knows he doesn't exactly know what to do with the exercise.

She'd give him a suggestion, point out the right equation to calculate the distance, and she's certain he would see the rest of the path. But it's because she knows him so well that she also knows that he doesn't want to be told what to do. He never does, and tends to hide it from her, when he can't quite keep up with her. He does it all the time, telling her he's finished the exercises when she knows perfectly well that he probably hasn't done half of them, and will the moment he gets home. Ryan has never arrived at a class without all his homework done.

She shrugs inwardly. She's here, in case he wants to ask for advice, if he ever does want to ask for advice.

After a moment's doubt, Ryan writes down a whole line of an equation and finds the distance. Lindsay smiles. Sighing, Ryan looks up at her, giving her a small smile in return.

"Hey," he says.

She chuckles under her breath. "Hey." They haven't talked much during class, considering the teacher had been explaining an all new theorem, and Lindsay really wanted to understand it on the first try. "You never told me how the dinner went."

Ryan shrugs, pretending it's not important. But it is. That's her family, mostly. Almost. That's very much her sister, and her brother-in-law. And her nephew, Seth. She frowns. If she starts thinking about Seth as her nephew, really, she'll think of Ryan as her nephew and that could really cool off a relationship.

"Still, so, hmm. What did you do?"

Ryan shrugs again, writing down another line of the equation. It's actually the wrong equation for the force, she notices, considering it needs the time of the experiment, and they don't have that information.

"Nothing much," he say after a moment. He pauses, tilts his head and looks at the equation. Lindsay bites back the desire to point out the right one. "Dinner and a movie."

From her point of view, a comment like that sounds more like a date than an anniversary, but she says nothing. He shakes his head at the solution of the problem before biting the eraser of his pencil. Yet another trait of his, a pondering trait at that.

"What movie?" She asks. At times she thinks that she has to ask very specific questions to get a specific answer.

"Assault on Precinct 13."

"Oh, I've heard that's a good one."

Ryan looks up at her, his pencil still between his lips. Lindsay finds it very sexy. "We can watch it this week, if you want."

She grins, nodding as she does so. "Yeah, sure."

His comment ends there, she notices, when he looks down at his notebook and frowns, head tilted. He erases the last line and Lindsay nods inwardly. Yes, at least he's noticed his mistake.

"What about Sunday?" She asks when nothing else is forthcoming, because it wasn't until late afternoon, until the sun had set, that Ryan remembered he had a girlfriend and actually called her.

He pauses for a moment, hand going to the book and flips back two pages. He finds the equation for the distance, the right equation, and copies it down on the notebook.

Lindsay tells herself that patience is a virtue, and tapping her fingers against the edge of the table it's too Seth for it to be her.

Ryan shrugs nonchalantly, like he just heard the question, or just processed it, either one of those.

"Nothing much," he says again. It's not easy being Ryan's girlfriend, she thinks out of the blue, if he isn't going to share anything with her. "Made bacon for breakfast. For four." Lindsay frowns at the really peculiar comment. When Ryan looks up at her and notices her confusion, he just shrugs it off. "Went sailing. Played some video games. Nothing special."

She nods, slightly, to herself. Out of sheer frustration, probably, at the lack of communication skills in her boyfriend -- her boyfriend -- she focuses on the exercise once again. Within four lines the exercise is done even as Ryan battles with the force he has found and the theorem he doesn't quite understand.

It would be very easy for her to point out the inner meaning of the theorem, and Ryan would probably finish the exercise within the next equation line. But Ryan's stubborn, and Lindsay is in no mood to take childish and quiet behaviors. With her lips set into a line, she pulls her book closer to her and flips the pages to the next chapter.

If, or when, Ryan wants her help, he can very well ask her.

*****

Alex doesn't tend to be awake in time for breakfast, especially not during the weekend. At least not at normal times for breakfast. She's more of a late lunch kind of gal, with scrambled eggs and tons of bacon, but taken some time after one in the afternoon. It's her work, she tells herself, because no one can be awake until four in the morning -- three when the club closes and then an hour to get things cleaned and in place, to pay the band and make her way to her apartment -- and even later if she goes out with some friends.

Friends, being the keyword, because Seth can't stay out until that late, his parents don't exactly allow it. He can be out until two, three if he's with Ryan -- Alex doesn't want to read too much into that -- but that's about it. He has to be back by three thirty unless he wants Very Bad Things To Happen To Him. And Seth says they will happen in uppercase, if he's not careful. So, Seth can't stay out late, Alex understands. Really, she does. It's not like she's dating Seth because the kid is the life of the party. 

They don't exactly see each other much during the week. Seth has homework (bitter reminder that the kid is at school and she's working for a living) and he's supposed to be back by dinner, and Alex is usually doing something in the club around that time, so they barely see each other. She's always at the club in the afternoons, so Seth does his homework there sometimes, to keep her company. She likes that about him.

And maybe that's the reason why last week, Seth had the brilliant idea to invite her for breakfast in his house, then maybe do something, and then lunch. Their date will end there, mostly because there's beer arriving at four. She has no idea what she was thinking when she agreed. She fears she might have been a bit drunk, or too high, because holy fuck if Seth didn't suggest bright and early on a Saturday morning -- earlier than she has seen in months -- and she said yes.

That's the only reason she's trying her best to stay conscious at nine o'clock in the fucking morning, and not wrap her car around a tree or something.

Fuck, she curses under her breath, rubbing her eyes once again, and they feel all sticky and shit and it's sleepiness, of course, she arrived home after four and had to crawl out of bed and into the shower at a quarter to nine so she could be somewhat not so late here. She pushes the car door open, and slams it a bit harder than intended, before half tumbling to the front door. Next time Seth so much as mentions breakfast, she's so kicking his scrawny little ass.

For a moment she thinks about Seth's parents, being wide awake inside, having coffee and reading the paper and eating croissants or something. She blinks some more and rubs her eyes until she's pretty sure she looks awake enough before knocking on the door.

She knocks once, twice, waits for someone to open the door. When no one comes, she leans against the frame, head tilted to the side, eyes closing, and wonders if she's tired enough that she'll fall asleep standing up. A moment later, the door opens and she stands up in a hurry, running a hand through her hair, thinking it's Seth's parents but it's actually Ryan, standing there still in sweat pants and a white t-shirt that's a little bit too tight for her not to roam her eyes over his chest. She clears her throat and Ryan gives her something of a smile.

"Seth'll be down in a sec," Ryan says, motioning for her to walk in.

She nods, walking into the house, trying her best not to look like she's gawking at the high ceilings and the wide windows that look out into... is that a pool? And the ocean a bit behind it? Holy shit. 

"Sorry," Ryan continues saying, "took me a while to get him up. I think he forgot about breakfast."

Alex rolls her eyes. No surprise there. Seth's like that. Forgetful when it comes down to her, isn't he? "Should have let him sleep, called me and I wouldn't have come."

Ryan laughs, a sound she's not exactly familiar with, unless Seth's on the receiving end of it. "Yeah, well, he remembers now. He's showering."

And how exactly do you know that? She doesn't ask, only follows him through the living room -- huge, really, almost as big as her whole apartment, she speculates -- and into the kitchen. It's big, too, and she's certain she has her eyes wide open, taking in the kitchen table and the couch to her right in a room with a big TV and game set.

"First time you've been here, right?"

Alex turns around, looking at Ryan over her shoulder as she leans against the kitchen island. She nods. "Yeah," she says with a shrug, "it's huge."

"Yeah," he says, reaching for the coffee maker and putting in a new pot to brew. "Had the same reaction."

"That's right," she says, head tilted to the side. "You're not from here."

"Nope. Chino. But Seth probably told you that."

He had told her that, and a few more things about Ryan that Alex didn't exactly need to know, but that's okay, she tells herself. Ryan is very much a part of Seth's life, and Alex should know about Ryan, and how he stole a car and ended up in Newport. "Yeah, he did."

"Not that he can keep anything to himself," Ryan says, but there's no bitterness to it, instead she can hear a bit of endearment in the words, like a soft reflection on what and who Seth is.

Before she can add anything else, Seth walks into the kitchen, smile bright even this early, hair not exactly combed and a little bit damp looking, with black sweats with a check on the edge and a blue shirt that has Niagara printed on the front.

"Hey," he says, closing the space between them and giving her a kiss on her lips. She lingers on his lower lip and feels his breath against her nose. "There's nothing better than seeing you in the morning," he says after they pull away.

She can't help it, he has a way with her, a way with words that just reach for her and capture her, and she smiles back at him. "Good morning to you too, though for me it's more like midnight."

He winks at her and she laughs, shaking her head. Alex sees Ryan give Seth a quick glance from the corner of his eyes, even as the coffeemaker dings.

"That thing has a hole in it, Seth," Ryan says with a shake of his head, "I thought you weren't going to wear it anymore."

She frowns, not quite understanding what Ryan's talking about, her gaze shifting from one to the other. "What?"

But Seth's not listening to her, he's looking straight at Ryan, rolling his eyes. "Dude, it has miles left to go."

Ryan snorts. "It has frequent flyer miles accumulated, that's what it has." Ryan reaches forward, touching Seth's shoulder, and getting his index finger inside a small whole she only now notices, in the seam where the shoulder meets the sleeve. "See? Hole."

Seth waves it off, and Ryan rolls his eyes once again, turning to reach for a green mug and pouring himself a cup of coffee. Seth chuckles, turning to look at Alex, half jumping toward her.

He shows her his shoulder, the small hole in it that, once she's noticed, she can't help but be very aware of. It's weird that an expensive shirt can have a hole, like her shirts. He wiggles his shoulder inches from her face.

"Like it? I think it gives it character." He pets his shoulder, and the hole, and she can't help but chuckle. "It has gone through so much, stood up to so many water polo players."

"I don't think they did that," Ryan says loftily over his shoulder, grin on his lips, as he dumps three spoons of sugar in the coffee and some milk. Alex had always pegged Ryan for a black coffee kind of guy.

"Sure they did, dude, you were there." Seth rolls his eyes, looking at Alex over his shoulder. "Coffee?"

She nods as Ryan leans back against the edge of the island, placing the mug by his side, not touched. "Eggs and bacon, right?"

Seth nods, picking up two mugs, one black and one yellow, and pouring coffee into both. In the black one, he only adds one sugar, while he asks, "sugar?"

"Yeah, thanks. Two and milk, if you can."

Seth places that black mug on the counter, and picks up the yellow one and adds what Alex requested, and she could have sworn Seth liked his coffee really sweet. He picks up all three mugs, even the green one Ryan made for himself, and closes the distance to the stove, where Ryan already has out the pan and is starting to break the eggs. Ryan takes the black one from Seth's hands and drinks half of it in one gulp, throwing the eggs shells into the trash.

Alex blinks, deeply confused, trying to add one and one. She tilts her head and watches as Seth drinks from the green one and then hands the yellow one to her. She takes it, and can't help but frown and look between Ryan and Seth, the mugs, and remember clearly that it was Ryan who made the green one, three sugars and milk, and Seth the black one, only one sugar. After a moment and lots of hesitation, things just seem to fall into place and click and she lets out a long sigh. Because, fuck, if they didn't just make each other coffee, in front of her, both of them knowing exactly what the other wanted while Seth himself didn't know she liked milk in her coffee.

She shakes her head, tells herself they are brothers, for fuck's sake, of course they know how the other takes their coffee because they have breakfast together every single morning. But still. There's something of a sting left behind from the knowledge and she takes a long swallow of her own yellow mug.

She watches with intense curiosity as Ryan starts making the eggs, leaving the skillet on the edge while getting out another pan, pouring oil in it, flame burning underneath, before picking up the skillet once again, as Seth takes the bacon out of the fridge and places it in the pan. 

The bacon starts sizzling and Ryan watches both pans, skillet shifting from eggs to flip the bacon around, and Seth gets out three plates and places them on the edge of the counter, right behind Ryan. The bacon fries quickly and Ryan turns off the flame and picks up the pan, using the skillet to place the bacon on top of the paper towel on each of the plates, to drain the grease. Ryan lifts the skillet over his shoulder and Seth it takes it without missing a beat, lowering the flame on the eggs, turning them around once more and then shutting off the flame. He serves the eggs by the side of the bacon and Alex can only keep on watching, dumbfounded and shocked and ten other synonyms about the way they move, like they know what the other is doing, like they can predict each other's moves. It's like they are dancing to a tune they know by heart and she sighs and shakes her head and says nothing.

It's not bitterness, she tells herself, not even anger, it's just... it's just an edge of something she can't quite put a name to it but it's not pleasant. She glances at Ryan from the corner of her eyes, picking up his plate and taking a seat on the edge of kitchen counter, and she can see in his face that this is nothing out of the ordinary. Seth smiles at her, handing her the plate and leaning by the side of the fridge and jerking his head to the space in front of him. She takes her hint and, standing back against the counter, starts to eat her breakfast. Ryan opens the newspaper, taking out a section before handing it to Seth who takes it without a word.

"Want one?"

Alex looks over her shoulder at him, at Ryan and she wants to narrow her eyes at him and ask him how is it possible for him to behave like he and Seth have a long standing marriage. She says nothing because that's not in her, and even though she is really curious about it, she knows when to keep her mouth shut. There are things that even couples, hell, even threesomes, don't exactly talk about. This, apparently, is one of them.

Her glance shifts to Seth, paper open by his side, propped on top of the phone, Arts&Leisure probably, because Seth couldn't exactly be into finances. Looking back at Ryan, who's actually reading the paper and not just the comics, she shakes her head. "No, thanks."

He shrugs, not at all bothered by her scrutiny or his very own behavior. Not that he should be. Alex doesn't think he should and fuck, where the hell is she going with this? Nowhere, obviously. This is taking her nowhere. She came here to enjoy a quiet breakfast with her boyfriend, then probably go out with her boyfriend and do something with her boyfriend, and Ryan certainly doesn't fit into those plans. Right?

Breakfast is done quickly and with very little small talk. Seth balances the conversation on three ends actually, making comments about school and homework and how Ryan should, probably, maybe, more than certainly, take up sports once again.

"Dude, you liked soccer last year, right?"

"That was last year."

"But. There are, like, tons of other things you can do. Basketball?"

Ryan raises his head from his paper and his eggs, one eyebrow raised, head cocked to the side.

Alex chuckles into her coffee and it takes Seth a moment before actually getting what Ryan's trying to hint at not so subtlety.

"Oh, so," Seth says, shrugging as he does so, "you don't exactly like basketball, huh?"

Alex thinks it's more like basketball doesn't exactly like Ryan, height wise, but she says nothing as Ryan lowers his head once again.

"Still."

"Seth." Ryan doesn't even bother to look at Seth now, and Seth doesn't say a word, seeming to hang on Ryan's instead. Alex narrows her eyes. "Leave it, okay?"

Seth sighs, and Alex can almost see the imprint on Seth's face. He might leave it, for now, but he still has time and resources and Seth is nothing if not determined, even if it means making a fool of himself.

"So," Seth says after a moment of silence. "What do you want to do?"

Alex shrugs because, truth be told, right now, she'd rather lay down on the couch and catch another hour of sleep. "Whatever."

"Cool. I thought we could go out, go sailing perhaps."

"Hmm. I'm not really into sailing."

"You aren't?"

Alex shakes her head and when she glances at Ryan, she can see the corners of his lips curling upward. Okay. Is he making fun of her?

"Oh. Okay. Ryan doesn't like it either."

Ryan nods, only half paying attention to them, knowing when to nod and when to ignore them. That seems to be a very practical way for Ryan to follow Seth's conversation. She should ask him for pointers.

"It's okay," Seth says. "We can go out, drive around."

Not an exact point of destination. That's more her thing. They could go to the store, check out some new albums. There are a couple she's been meaning to buy.

"You wanna come?"

Alex raises her head, frown on her face and she sees Seth looking straight at Ryan, or Ryan's bowed head. She narrows her eyes, glances at Ryan's head, blonde hair falling onto his eyes, more interested in the paper than in the fact that Seth just asked a guy to join him and his girlfriend in what was supposed a nice, quiet Saturday morning.

Ryan shakes his head. "I've got homework. You two go."

Alex doesn't know whether to be grateful that Ryan does understand that this was supposed to be a date or be mad at him. She chooses to pretend that nothing happened.

"Oh. Okay. Sure. I'll get you something."

"If you go to the mall, get eggs," Ryan says with a shrug, gaze fixed on his paper, "we're almost out and I don't know if your parents will go to the store tomorrow."

"Ryan--"

Ryan looks up, gives him a silencing glare and then shakes his head. Seth doesn't add anything else to the subject and Alex really has to get the hang of that glare. It might work for her and Seth as well.

Seth sighs. "Yeah, okay. Eggs. Oh, and ice-cream. And cookies. God knows when they'll go."

Ryan shakes his head. "We have ice-cream."

"Not double chocolate chip."

"There's chocolate chip and chocolate, what's the matter with those?"

Seth narrows his eyes at Ryan. "Dude, that's so not double chocolate chip."

"You could mix the two, you know?"

"So not the same."

Ryan rolls his eyes, turning the pages in the paper, still not looking up. "Whatever."

"Well, then," Seth says, "we're going now."

"Go."

"We're almost gone."

"I don't know what you're waiting for."

Alex feels like slapping Seth upside the head. She's about to complain to him, to tell him that if he wishes to keep on doing this, this banter thing with Ryan, she could have very well stayed till midday in her warm bed and they could have met for lunch, when Seth folds his section of the paper. She frowns, watching him picking up a pen from the pencil cup over at the end of the counter and hand both things over to Ryan, who still has his head down and eyes on the paper.

She thinks about calling out for Ryan just as Ryan lifts his hand and takes the paper and pen from Seth's hand. Her throat is dry as she notices that Ryan opens it to the crossword puzzle and uncaps the pen. Crosswords in pen, of course.

"I'll call you on the way back."

Ryan nods, head bend down and tilted the side. His hand pauses in the air for a moment before filling in a line of the boxes. "You won't be back by lunch, right?"

Seth pauses, thinking about it, and Alex bites down her tongue. They've met very early in the morning, the last thing they can do is have lunch together. And if Seth says otherwise, she'll most certainly let him know what she thinks.

"You won't be back for lunch," Ryan doesn't ask, states, looking straight at Seth. "You'll probably have lunch with Alex." Ryan's eyes narrow when Seth doesn't understand what he's talking about. "I'll have some take out. You should take Alex to that new café by the pier. I heard it's pretty good."

"But I thought we were gonna go--" Subtlety seems to go over Seth's head, because even Alex can predict the end of that sentence. They were supposed to go to that café together. Her eyes narrow even as Ryan glares at Seth and Seth nods. "Oh, right. The café. Yeah. Right. That's the perfect place." He turns to look at Alex. "You'll like it, I'm sure."

She gives him a small smile. "Yeah. Sure."

"Okay, then," Seth says, placing his arm along the back of Alex's shoulder. "I'll be back around... four?"

The way Seth looks at her when he mentions this, the time almost like a question, goes a long way to improve Alex's mood. "Yeah, four's cool. I have to be in the club at five."

Seth nods, smiling, almost beaming. "Cool." He pauses for a moment, before shaking his head. "Take care."

"Don't forget the eggs." Ryan says, eyes once again glued to the paper.

"Oh, right, and the ice-cream. Sure."

As she walks toward the door leading to the living room, she looks over her shoulder and notices that Ryan does lift his head and glance at Seth's back before lowering it once again. It's almost like he doesn't notice she saw it. Waving it off, she half pays attention to Seth's babbling about school and a paper he has to do that's fighting him every step of the way.

*****

Lindsay never thought she would actually like a boy so much that she'd look past the front of parents' money and born into it. Then again, Ryan's not really a Newport boy. He might have the money, but he wasn't born into it. He doesn't take things for granted. He doesn't pretend that he's worth more than he is, that his every whim should be followed. And yeah, maybe that's being judgmental, because not all rich boys are like that. Seth certainly isn't.

She glances up from her notebook at Seth, sitting on the other side of the table, on the right corner, his head down, eyes focused on the book before him. He has something due tomorrow, that Ryan has been bugging him for the last hour to get done sometime before midnight. Apparently, from what Lindsay has gathered in the back and forth of very ugly comments in the last hour, Seth has a thing for leaving things to the last minute and staying up until so very late, even Ryan loses sleep.

Why, Ryan loses sleep, she doesn't ask. She's learned there are things one doesn't ask about the banter of Ryan and Seth. Instead, she shakes her head and tells herself that there's no point in following that line of thought. It'll only make her feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, she might have to change her beliefs a little bit. Seth's anything but a rich kid. He doesn't behave like he walks on water. He isn't rude, or mean. He doesn't put money first and everything second. He's actually very nice, a total gentleman, best friend to her boyfriend. He's almost perfect. Except for some whining here and there, she has no idea why she didn't like him on their failed date. Then again, she already had her eye on Ryan, didn't she?

She smiles, glancing over at Ryan, sitting on the other side of the table, opposite her. They have some homework due tomorrow morning, bright and early. That's actually the only subject they have together. And that's why they try to spend as much time together in between classes and during the afternoons, doing homework. It's either that or seeing him only six hours every week, and weekends. Actually, Ryan and Seth have two whole subjects together, one more than she and Ryan.

Sighing, she looks down at her homework. She's almost done with it. It's just a matter of passing it to excel and setting up the graphics. It shouldn't take long. No more than an hour. She could do it at home, before dinner, or after and then head straight to bed.

"You done?"

Lindsay turns around to look at Ryan, pencil in his hand, and she nods. "Yeah. Just missing the graphics."

"You can do them on the laptop, if you want. I could send it to your email."

She doesn't need to be asked twice. "Sure."

Ryan nods, closing his books and making his way around the table, behind Seth. Seth's still frowning, shaking his head, eyes shifting from one book to the other.

"I take it you're way behind?"

Seth looks up at Ryan, snorts, shakes his head and looks back down at his notebook. "Dude. Don't even say it. Just. Don't."

Ryan chuckles, placing his hand on Seth's shoulder and squeezing slightly. "I told you, you should have gotten a head start last weekend."

"That was your weekend."

Ryan shrugs. "I did some homework."

"I have no idea when or how. I mean, we were together the whole time. What, you have a twin now or what?"

Ryan swats Seth on the shoulder, good naturedly, nothing too hard, just brotherly love and Lindsay can't help but smile slightly. "I'm going for the laptop. It's still in your room, right? You were playing Bejewled there last night, I think."

Seth nods. "Yeah, if it's not on the desk, then it's under my bed."

Ryan pauses on his way through the kitchen, looking over his shoulder at Seth, one eyebrow raised. "Under your bed."

Seth shrugs, head already down, flipping pages and copying a paragraph to his notebook. "It might be."

"Seth, what could the laptop--?" Ryan pauses, tilts his head and the shakes it. "No, no. I don't want to know. I'll look for it."

She can hear Ryan going up the stairs and then there's nothing but the sound of another book being opened and a pen copying data onto Seth's notebook.

Lindsay and Seth never had much to talk about, she notices as he looks up from his book for a moment, smiles at her, then looks back down. Usually, she wouldn't mind the silence. She likes working in silence, makes it easier for her to go over her thoughts and remember theories. But in this case, it's nothing but oppressing and Lindsay wonders how she didn't notice that she has never, ever, talked with Seth without Ryan present.

"That paper due tomorrow?" Her question surprises not only Seth, but herself. She hadn't thought about talking. The silence must have been too much for her to bear without even noticing.

Seth looks up for a moment, shrugs, leaning back against the chair. He glances at the book for a moment, but his gaze shifts back to her, like doing homework is suddenly too boring to contemplate. "Yeah, actually." He reaches forward for Ryan's pen, holding it between thumb and forefinger before drumming it against his thigh a couple of times. "Ryan's been bugging me to finish it for about a week."

"When did they give it to you?"

Seth thinks about it, head tilted, very much like Ryan did a minute ago. "I don't know. Two weeks ago? Three. I don't remember." 

Well, no wonder Ryan's pissed that Seth hasn't finished it yet.

"I mean, I'm almost done with it." Seth looks down at his book and closes it. "God. How boring." He stands up and walks to the fridge. "Want something? We have... hmm... orange juice, cranberry juice, some sort of... thing, I think it's strawberries. Oh, that's Ryan's. Right. No. Sorry. Hmm..." Seth closes one door and opens the next one. "Coke, ice tea. Again, Ryan's. Hmm." He turns around, smiling at her. "Coke or water?"

She chuckles. "Coke is fine, thanks."

He pulls out two cans of Coke, handing her one. "Ryan would tell me to ask you if you want a glass, but I know you. You don't want one, right?"

Seth's right, Ryan's polite like that. "Nah, from the can is fine."

The silence seems to stretch between them for a moment until Seth gives her a big grin. "I think the laptop wasn't on the desk or under the bed."

"Do you even know where you put it?"

He thinks about it for only a moment before shaking his head. "No, I have no idea. I thought it was in my room. Maybe it's in the pool house? Ryan had a Biology paper two days ago. I'm pretty sure he finished it here in the kitchen, right before dinner." He pauses, nodding to himself. "Yeah, he did. He printed it in dad's study. And then... I took it last night, to my room. But Ryan said he needed to print a lab report for Physics this morning..." Seth chuckles, shaking his head.

Lindsay frowns, not quite following. "What?"

"I brought it back, last night. Or this morning. No, no, last night. He needed the computer, so I brought it back after I lost my third game in a row. I was in a very bad state of mind." He smiles at her. "It's in dad's study."

She's about to ask another question, not certain what exactly, when Ryan walks into the kitchen, leaning against the frame, shaking his head, looking pretty tired.

"It's not in--"

Seth doesn't let him finish the sentence. "Of course it's not. You printed your lab report this morning."

Ryan's eyes shift to the ceiling for a moment, then he smiles. "Right. Sandy's study."

Seth nods just as Ryan turns on his heels and Lindsay can hear him making his way down the hallway.

Lindsay sits patiently on her seat, her hands on top of her notebook, waiting for Ryan to return to the kitchen. It doesn't take long, the laptop under Ryan's arm. He smiles at Seth, who smiles back, each one of them looking very proud. She purses her lips into a thin line. The exchange gives her a funny feeling in her stomach, but she can't quite place it, so she lets it be.

Finishing the rest of the paper doesn't take long. Actually, it might have taken longer, had it not been for Seth. Ryan isn't very good in Excel, or the graphics area of it. Neither is Lindsay. Whenever she'd get stuck somewhere, she'd ask her mom for help, who actually knows more about the whole program than she does. But Seth knows his computer stuff, and it barely takes them thirty minutes to pass all the info into a book in Excel and then to put up the graphic, and half of that time is spent fixing one unit problem that's giving them a very weird looking graphic.

After they print it in Sandy's study, Seth announces that he's done with his homework and is tired and bored and would they want to watch a movie?

Lindsay isn't difficult to persuade, so she gives in after a minute. Ryan, for his part, doesn't seem convinced that Seth actually finished his homework, but Seth repeats that it's just a matter of passing it to the computer, the research is all done, it's nothing that can't be left for before dinner. In the end, the way Seth nudges Ryan and smiles at him, Ryan seems to give in. Again, Lindsay tells herself that's just them. 

They choose _Hellboy_ , for whatever reason that seems only obvious to the two of them. Lindsay sees the small smile on Ryan's lips when Seth suggests the movie and she shrugs, telling herself that she hasn't seen it and Ryan seems to like it, so there's no problem. And so they sit, Ryan in between Lindsay and Seth, and Seth, who holds the remote in his hand and watches Ryan roll his eyes, clicks play and the movie begins.

The movie, in itself, is kinda fun. She's sure she has seen the guy who plays Hellboy before but can't quite recognize him. Both Ryan and Seth seem to have watched it a couple of times before, because at times Seth will repeat the actor's lines, and Ryan would either shake his head or swat Seth if he was doing it too often. It doesn't bother Lindsay, but it's nice of Ryan to think that it might. By the time the movie's done, it's almost eight and she's on the verge of being late to head back home.

"Can I use the bathroom?" Lindsay asks as she stands up, stretching and her bones pop from being in the same position for almost two hours.

Ryan nods, pointing down the hallway to the side of the den. "Sure. Down the hallway, second door on the left."

She gives him a kiss before turning around, watching from the corner of her eyes as Seth yawns and stretches and tilts his head back against the couch. She runs her fingers through her hair as she looks at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, shaking her head. She'd been leaning against Ryan's side throughout the duration of the movie, with Ryan's arm around her shoulders, and now her hair is paying the price.

She sighs, because she left her hairbrush in her bag and her bag is out in the kitchen table. She can only wet her fingers a bit and run them through her hair before cleaning the bit of eyeliner that was starting to run.

After doing the best she can, she walks out of the bathroom and down the hallway, back to the den, but pauses before reaching the end of the hall. She pauses in mid step, her heart beating loudly in her ears as she blinks and can't help but stare.

Seth's lying on the couch, on his side, head on Ryan's lap, hand cupping Ryan's knee. She swallows, looking up at Ryan, who's smiling softly -- softly, tenderly, barely a curve on his lips and she knows she's never been smiled at like that -- his fingers running through Seth's hair carefully, as if afraid to wake him up. Ryan, with a smile on his lips, bending forward slightly, head tilted to the side, looking at Seth sleeping on his leg like this is the most natural thing in the world. Like they do this all the time. Like they--

She forces herself to take the next step, and the next, and when she reaches the end of the couch, Ryan finally looks up at her, his expression changing, smiling at her but not the same smile, not even coming close. She gives him a small smile in return, but it feels tight on her lips, in her cheeks, and she is unsure of what to say.

"Wanna stay for dinner?"

She blinks at him, wants to snort and answer him back, stay for dinner? Seth's asleep on your leg, what the hell do you think I want?

She notices his voice is lowered, maybe because he doesn't want to-- She shakes her head. "No, I gotta... I gotta go home. I told mom I'd be there by eight thirty."

"Oh." Ryan glances down at Seth's face, his index finger touching a curl one last time, soft smile on his lips once again, and Lindsay feels something seething inside her. Ryan looks up at her for a second before lifting Seth's head with one hand, carefully, and slides away from under him. Ryan sighs as he places Seth's head back on the couch, pushing back a lock of Seth's hair behind one ear before straightening. "Let me --"

Lindsay nods, hurrying to the kitchen table and picks up her bag. She turns around and Ryan's there, standing a little to the side, looking at her. She smiles at him, and it keeps feeling like it's not her face, it's not even her smile.

He places his hand on the small of her back as he walks her to the living room, and when she turns to look at him, he's looking over his shoulder, down the hallway leading directly to the den. She ducks her head, embarrassed and not knowing why. 

He opens the door for her, allows her to walk out first, and then walks her to her car, parked on the side of the entrance. He opens the driver's door for her, kisses her before she slides in, and then kisses her when she rolls the window down.

"Drive safely," he says with a tilt of his head, his arms folded on his chest, looking right at her.

She nods, pulling out of the driveway and making way her out of the community. She reaches the first street light and catches red, and she can't help but tighten her hold on the steering wheel, heart beating loudly in her chest. Her breathing is a bit fast, but not too fast, and she's trying to slow it down as she remembers Ryan, combing his fingers through Seth's hair, the small smile on his lips. She doesn't know if he's ever done that before, comb his fingers through her hair, and she's certainly never fallen asleep with her head on his leg and she wonders if he's ever looked at her like that, smiled at her like that--

There's a honk behind her and she looks up to see that the light is green once again. She takes in a deep breath, her ears having stopped ringing with her heartbeat and she presses on the gas, thinking about the graphics they did today and hoping Ryan will remember to email them to her before she gets home.

*****

Seth turns seventeen on February 19th, 2005. It falls on a Saturday, and Alex gets invited to the family tradition of nice dinner and then cake and whatever the birthday boy wants to do. 

Alex arrives before six, stands with Seth in the backyard, looking out at the ocean meeting the sky and letting him kiss her until her toes curl and she's digging her hands into his sides, wanting to pull his body closer to her but reminding herself of his parents, in the kitchen or living room or bedroom.

They don't go out to an expensive restaurant, as she had expected them to, but order from a place that sounds expensive anyway.

"Not Thai," Seth says with a grin, and Ryan rolls his eyes.

Alex frowns, not quite getting the joke, and notices that Lindsay spends that time smiling tightly, the expression obviously false on her lips.

"Hey," Alex says to Lindsay, only now talking to her after the initial hellos and of course I remember you. Alex remembers specifically being with Seth in her apartment and Lindsay, apparently, breaking up with Ryan again, leaving Ryan without a ride home, which meant Seth went to his rescue. But she doesn't mention that.

Lindsay turns to look at her and smiles. "Hey. Alex."

Alex nods, and then they fall silent. And it's not like they haven't spent more than just one hour together, but the boys were always there, so the two of them alone still feels weird and awkward.

They look at each other for a second, nod, and then Alex snorts, shaking her head. "This is stupid. You're dating Ryan, I'm dating Seth. Seth calls Ryan every other--"

"-- hour, I know!" Lindsay says, and Alex can see the outrage in her face, in her expression, before shutting off quickly. "It's not--"

Alex snorts once again. "Oh, please, don't you dare say it's not important because it bothers the hell out of me and I'm pretty sure it bothers you as well."

Lindsay gnaws on her lower lip for a second before nodding. "They are... close."

Alex chuckles, an ironic sound in the back of her throat. "That's the understatement of the year."

Lindsay gives her a small smile, almost a secretive smile, and Alex nods, because they know. Even if the boys don't realize it, they know.

"Hey," Seth says, and Alex looks up to see both Seth and Ryan making their way to the den, where they were sitting, not really watching the TV.

Alex smiles at Seth and lets him kiss her, and out of the corner of her eyes, she can see Ryan kissing Lindsay as well.

They have dinner, all four of them with the parents and they make small talk. Kirsten is nice and Sandy is funny at times. Lindsay doesn't seem at all comfortable with them either, so that makes Alex feel a bit better.

After dinner, Sandy mentions that the boys probably want to do something else, watch TV or maybe go out, and they say their goodnights and he leads his wife up to the second floor. Alex thinks maybe Seth wants to do something special, go to her apartment because Seth's bedroom is down the hall from his parents, but instead, Seth says that they should watch a movie, and Alex can't say no to him, at least not on his birthday.

Seth says "The Lord of Rings", which Alex never really saw, and she mentions that to Seth's outrage and surprise and gasping stupidity, and then Lindsay says that she never saw the appeal either and Alex can see Ryan rolling his eyes from the corners of her own.

Ryan sighs, rubbing a hand down his face as Seth's sputtering beside him. "God, and I thought we could make this an early night.

"You didn't-- But how could you-- It doesn't even make sense--"

Alex shrugs. "I don't see what's so great about it."

Seth gasps so loud, Alex worries about his health for a second before Ryan groans and mutters, "right, because I haven't seen that stupid movie enough times to know the script by heart."

That had been it. "The Fellowship of the Rings" starts about two seconds after that. Seth, of course, wants to follow with "The Two Towers" but Lindsay begs out, because it's almost ten and she had promised to be home early. Ryan nods and walks her out to her car, and Alex and Seth finally have two minutes for themselves.

"We could move this back to my place," Alex says in between kisses to his collarbone, knowing Ryan's probably outside, kissing Lindsay to within an inch of her life.

Seth chuckles, a low moan in his throat, but shakes his head, pulling away from her. She glances down at his crotch and his jeans are tenting. Her hand moves on its own, but he catches it in both of his. "As much as I'd love to, and you know I'd love to, God, you gotta know I'd love to."

Alex smirks. Of course she knows.

"I can't. My parents are upstairs and if I leave now, I won't be back tonight."

That's right. They'll probably go slow and Seth will fall asleep, and she really doesn't want him getting into trouble on his own birthday. She sighs, but nods, and lets her hand fall back to her lap. "Sure. You're right."

Seth kisses, not lingering on the kiss, not more than he should, before standing up. "I'm just gonna--"

She nods, watching him make his way down the hallway, to the bathroom. She picks up the remote and starts zapping channels, never staying on one for longer than a few seconds. She doesn't know how long she sits there, but she thinks it's longer than is right. She frowns, looking over her shoulder down at the hallway, but Seth isn't making his way back, so she stands and follows his steps.

The bathroom door is ajar, and when she pushes it, it opens easily. There's no one inside. Frowning, she walks out into the living room, and she turns around, looking at the high ceilings and wide windows that look out into the backyard and pool and ocean. And then she hears it, Seth's low chuckle, a mixture of anticipation and excitement.

It takes her a moment to find the source of the sound, and when she realizes it's coming from the small office with its door almost closed, she makes her way silently to it.

She doesn't push it open, but peers through the three inch space and watches as Seth standing before the big desk, almost bouncing on his feet. She can see Ryan by the bookshelves, looking for something. There's a small lamp on the desk behind them, casting enough light to allow her to see Ryan's smile as he looks over his shoulder at Seth, wide and perfect on his lips.

Ryan pulls something from the bookshelf, saying, "I had to hide it here. I knew you'd go over the pool house."

Seth pretends to gasp. "I did not!"

Alex snorts, and watches Ryan turn around and lift an eyebrow.

Seth sighs after a moment. "Okay, okay. So I did. It's not like I haven't done it before."

Ryan chuckles at that, making his way next to Seth, the two of them standing before the desk. Alex swallows. She gave Seth his present earlier on. It was a Modest Mouse Album, signed by the band, and Seth had loved it. She had thought Seth had loved it.

"Oh, come on."

"What?"

She can only see Ryan's right side and Seth's left, only the profile of their faces, but it's enough for her to see that Ryan has a grin on his lips, that he lifts his eyebrows, and Seth chuckles again, shaking his head.

"You could wait another hour, you know," Ryan continues saying, with a shrug. "Wait until Alex leaves and then I can give you--"

"No, no, no. I don't wanna wait." Seth keeps on bouncing his feet, his hand reaching for the present but stilling in mid way, as if waiting for Ryan to give it to him. "My birthday, my rules."

Ryan snorts. "When aren't you pushy?"

"Hey."

Ryan laughs, but concedes, Alex notices, giving Seth the small, thin wrapped present. Seth doesn't believe in saving the paper, then again, Alex wouldn't expected him to. He tears at it with determination and then he's gasping and blinking and what Alex sees in his face, she realizes, that's love. Not what he showed her, no, this is love, Seth is looking at what he holds in his hands and then back at Ryan.

Ryan swallows, and Alex narrows her eyes, trying to see what it is. It looks like a magazine.

"Dude. This is--"

Ryan shrugs. "I hope you like it."

"Like it? I love it."

Alex swallows. Seth's face hasn't showed that before, his eyes haven't shone like that. Seth hasn't been like that before, with her, with her gift. She swallows again, trying to read the words on the front page of the magazine but coming up short.

"But how did you--? Dude, this is from June, 1948."

Ryan shifts, not really moving, and the light shines on his face for a second, and Alex can see the corners of his lips curling upward. "I know."

"Batman #47. The origins of Batman. Dude, this was reprinted in Batman #198 but this is the first version." Seth's babbling, his right hand moving and his left hand holding tightly at the edge of the comic and of course, Alex thinks, of course Seth has to love comics more than everything, anything, and why the hell didn't she think of that before?

"How did you find it?" Seth asks, half surprised, half awed, and something sits cold and harsh in Alex's stomach.

Ryan shrugs, ducking his head, and Alex thinks she can see a blush on his cheeks, or maybe it's just the light. "I looked for it. It wasn't... impossible."

"No, just very difficult. How--?"

Ryan lifts his hand, placing it on Seth's shoulder and squeezes. Alex holds her breath and wonders how in the world they can't see her peering through the fucking crack of the door. She's standing right here. She's standing right fucking here and they don't even look in her direction -- unless they can't see anything but each other.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it!"

Ryan chuckles, nodding as he does so. "I actually found Detective Comics #27--"

"The first appearance of Batman--"

Alex bites on her lower lip, and she might not know a lot about comics, but the first appearance of Batman kind of sounds like the Holy Grail. Ryan knew what to look for. Alex gave Seth what she thought he'd like. The difference is staggering.

Alex watches Ryan tilt his head, small smile on his lips. "Yeah, but it was eighty thousand. A bit out of my price range." He shrugs. "I had to settle for Batman #47."

"Dude--" Seth sighs, left speechless, apparently, and Alex closes her eyes for a second. She hears movement but doesn't dare open them, not until she can breathe in without feeling her chest closing in on itself. 

She blinks and opens her eyes and Seth must have placed the comic on the desk, because they are just standing there, looking at each other, not saying anything. Alex swallows, and it feels like she shouldn't be watching this. She should turn around, go back to the den, but she has to watch this. She needs to watch this.

Ryan smiles, shrugs, and then Seth's hugging him tightly. Ryan seems to hesitate for a moment, arms spread wide, as if he doesn't know where to put them, before settling his hands on Seth's shoulders, down his back, almost resting on his waist.

"I'll get it for you," Ryan's voice is muffled, and she strains to hear his words. "Detective Comics #27. I'll get it--"

"I don't need--"

And Seth shifts, but she thinks she can see him resting his forehead against Ryan's shoulder, his voice ending in a whisper. 

Ryan shakes his head. "I'll get it for you. One day. I promise."

Seth chuckles, but the sound is neither light nor funny, almost wistful. "I don't care about it."

Alex takes in a shaky breath and can fill in the blanks fine on her own. She stands there, her hand on the doorknob, and thinks about taking a step back, but then Seth seems to hide his face deeper in the hollow of Ryan's throat but the angle is all wrong for her to really see it. All she can see is Ryan's right shoulder and Seth's left one and a bit of Seth's back, the back of Seth's head and his brown curls under the desk light.

She lets out a soft breath and takes a step back, and in that second, she thinks she sees Ryan tilting his head and placing a kiss on Seth's temple, but it could very easy be the change of light, or her very own movement, and without making a sound she walks back to the den. She makes sure to place one foot in front of the other before sitting down on the couch, remote in hand, zapping channels without really seeing them.

Her breathing isn't ragged, but it's harsh in her chest, and she can't stop seeing them, the two of them, standing before one another before hugging. And this time, as she revisits the memory, she's standing from another angle and can clearly see Seth hiding his face in Ryan's neck, kissing the skin, Ryan tilting his head and kissing the side of Seth's face. She sees them, or imagines them, she isn't sure anymore, but she sees it either way, and the taste is bitter on her tongue.

Seven minutes later, Seth and Ryan walk back to the den, their hands empty. Alex excuses herself, says she really should go to the club, make sure everything's running smoothly. It is Saturday and she should be at work, so Seth understands and doesn't ask to go with her, and she doesn't offer either.

Ryan only says his goodbyes, not a mention of his gift. Seth walks her to her car and he doesn't mention Ryan's present either. She presses her lips in a thin line and he kisses her, and she kisses him back with barely a brush of her lips, and if he notices, he doesn't say a word. They are good at this, at not saying much, barely anything at all.

She gets into her car and drives off to the club, and by the time she's parking by the pier, she's convinced herself that she didn't see anything, the light was too dim for her to distinguish between the movement of the shadows. And it was just a present and of course Ryan knew Seth would enjoy comics better, they are brothers, they know each other that well. By the time she's closing the club, at a quarter past three, she's fine and comfortable in her own skin once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! The boys!!!

The equation makes sense as she writes it down, and everything seems to fall into place. Numbers and logic and one after another, one plus one giving two, it makes her smile like nothing else can. Lindsay tilts her head and finishes copying the answer her calculator gives her, and a quick analysis lets her know that her answer is within the reasonable parameters.

For a second she thinks about college -- college, the only reason she's here, in Harbor, among surf and plastic surgery -- and being able to learn more about numbers and physics and being with people who understand, who know what she means when she says numbers make sense and fit and are perfect and would always, always, give her a straight answer.

She swallows and looks down at her hands, tells herself there's nothing wrong with not understanding people at times, because their answers are always blurred. Blurred together like fingers without knowledge had glossed over them. 

She lifts her eyes from her notebook to ask Ryan if he finished the exercise and maybe had trouble with the third equation of the procedure because she had, and it took her a moment to realize that she was using the whole weight of the pulley and she shouldn't.

Seth chuckles, shaking his head as Ryan rolls his eyes and Lindsay tilts her head to the side, watching them. Watching them with more than just curiosity in her eyes, because this study date of Ryan and hers was supposed to be about them being together while still allowing her to finish her homework. Seth wasn't supposed to be invited but Ryan had showed up at the library with Seth by his side, mentioned that Alex was busy with the club and he'd rather Seth stayed with them than go home and be bored to death. Lindsay could only press her lips in a line and nod and tell herself Seth's his brother, of course Ryan cares.

But this is more than caring, this is more than--

She glances at Ryan's pencil in hand, down at the page on his notebook. There are barely four lines written. It took her a page and a half to finish the whole exercise, mostly because there were calculations that had to be done on the sidelines so she had all the data that she needed. 

There are no calculations on the edges of Ryan's notebook. There are lines written on the margins, in Seth's scrawny handwriting. A few of those sentences have been crossed, newer ones written underneath.

Lindsay watches them, blue eyes attentive, and even though Ryan's sitting across from her on the table and Seth on his left, they don't seem to notice her. Ryan shakes his head and nudges Seth's side, and Seth laughs, low in his throat because they are in the study hall and Miss Pince doesn't like it when they make noise. Ryan takes Seth's pen away from him, placing it on the edge of his notebook, away from Seth. Seth snorts, taking one of Ryan's pens and lifting a couple of pages from the notebook, and writing on the margin of that page as well.

Ryan rolls his eyes, she can see that. Ryan rolls his eyes and she had thought Ryan liked silence when he did homework, because they don't talk until one of them comes to a stump and needs assistance from the other. It's usually Ryan asking her, but she doesn't mind.

Ryan rolls his eyes and turns to look at Seth, his lips in a thin line and Lindsay can't help but smile to herself and think, yeah, now you're going to get it Seth. Now you're going to--

But the frown on Ryan's face doesn't linger, and in a breath his lips curl into a small smile, into a soft smile, the smile Ryan always seems to have for Seth and Seth alone. A smile that seems to whisper a mixture of amusement and contentment and a feeling of home, and she has no idea how she can read all this in Ryan's face, but she does. Or at least, she thinks she does.

Ryan shakes his head, blue eyes light and she can see it again, amusement and not anger at Seth's antics and Ryan says with a laugh, "God, can you stop it?"

Seth lifts his eyebrows, as if making a joke but not saying it aloud. "Why would I?"

Ryan rolls his eyes again and leans forward, and he glares at Seth but the scorn seems to hold no real bite. "Because if you don't stop it, I'll make you."

Seth grins at that, a huge grin on his face and they are looking at one another and for a second Lindsay can't breathe. She waits and watches and holds in her breath and then Seth's leaning forward, closer and closer and she thinks, Seth's going to kiss him.

Only it doesn't happen like that. Seth licks the side of Ryan's face, from jaw up to cheekbone, pressing with his tongue, making a slurpy sound, like eating an icecream that's melting in your hands. Lindsay gasps, the sound loud in her throat, but they don't notice either, or simply don't care.

Ryan pulls back for a second and she can't read his face this time. And then he's reaching forward, hand catching Seth by the jaw and she wonders if Ryan'll shove Seth away or punch him or worse. But it doesn't happen like that either. She can't seem to be able to read them anymore, or maybe she never could. Ryan holds on to Seth's jaw with tight fingers before shaking Seth's head from side to side, chuckling as he does so, not minding the saliva still shining on his cheek, skin humid on his jaw.

Ryan chuckles again, laughter free and happy and perfect, and Lindsay feels a knot in her throat because he has never laughed like that with her. Never. Ryan shakes Seth's head once again before letting go, his fingers going slack and falling to his side, laughter still on his lips, and Seth moves back, laughing as well.

Lindsay swallows thickly. They are still looking at one another, as if she doesn't exist, as if she's not sitting with them in the same table in the library. She looks down, staring at her notebook, at her writing and her numbers and the equations that make sense when people don't, at theories and theorems and answers that are accurate enough with three decimals. Her hand tightness on her pencil and she picks up her calculator again, going through the equations, through her numbers, wanting to make sure she has the right answer.

*****

Alex growls in the back of her throat. "Fuck, could you be any more childish? I have work to do, you idiot! I don't live on my parents' money, like other people," she growls, glaring at Seth. Seth is standing there, looking back at her, his arms folded on his chest and his eyes narrow. And for some stupid reason, she can see Ryan doing that and Seth having picked that up from him. That only fuels her anger even more, simmering blue for a second before lowering to deep red. "Or my guardians' money, for that matter."

And with that, she draws blood. Seth blinks back at her, shock and anger and hate going through his eyes as the brown iris changes shades, darkening with every breath, before Seth snorts, picks up his bag from the counter of the bar, and turns around on his heels.

"You want me to leave, fine. I'm leaving," he calls out over his shoulder, raising one hand in a mock wave as he makes his way to the door of the club.

"Then leave, you childish, immature--" The front door slams close on her words, "son of a bitch."

"Fuck," she curses under her breath, her skin feeling too tight, words dying on her lips that she wishes Seth could hear being thrown at him. "Fuck."

She walks around the counter and into the bar, picking up a glass and filling it with two fingers of straight vodka. She drains it in one swallow, feeling the alcohol burning down her throat and her eyes glaze for a second before she breathes in, and in, and everything inside burns hot and right.

She looks over her shoulder at the closed front door, and then Mindy is making her way into the bar with a box of beer to stack.

"More?" Mindy asks with a raised eyebrow, bottle of Absolute Vodka in hand.

Alex actually considers it, even though it's only six and she just drained a straight shot. She shakes her head after a moment. "No, I'm fine."

Mindy shrugs, placing the bottle back to where it belongs. "You were loud enough to be heard in the back room."

Alex snorts. She had never been one to keep her voice low when fighting, and Seth doesn't seem to be one either. Fuck. She runs a hand through her hair, feeling the loose strands catching on her ring and pulling a few hairs. She pats her jeans pockets and doesn't find the scrunchie to tie her hair with.

Fuck, she thinks again, can't stop herself from thinking it because now her mood is shot to hell and _Snow Patrol_ is set to play tonight, should be arriving within the hour, and she really likes them and she fucking knows Seth loves them. It was supposed to be a nice night, a fucking quiet night even if it's Wednesday and Ryan hadn't come for once. It was supposed to be just her and Seth and now it’s all shot to fucking hell.

She blinks, running her hand through her hair once again, thinking about the stupid scrunchie and she must have lost it, or left it at home, and now she's going to be running her hand through her hair the whole night. She glances over her shoulder, eyes the Absolute and considers another shot before growling in the back of her throat.

Stupid Seth and his stupid fucking comment about how he hoped she'd actually be with him tonight during the concert. And she could have brushed it off, like she has with a hundred other stupid half ass comments made by Seth, but she chose to answer this one, for a change. To mention that she didn't have a nice, cushy trust fund to fall back on if this gig didn't pay off. And then Seth went ahead and said that he didn't either, and she lifted her eyebrow and then Seth said, okay, sure, maybe I do, but what does that have anything to do with--

And she just kept going from there, about how nice it must be to work just for the sake of buying yourself a new watch or yet another iPod with more memory, and not work because you have to pay rent and the electricity bill and the phone bill. And she couldn't stop, and neither could Seth, and then she had gone on to withdraw a blade and say she hadn't been lucky enough to be adopted by a rich couple here in Newport. And Seth took that personally, of course, like he always does when it comes to Ryan, because Seth can't stand anyone badmouthing Ryan. She knew that, of course she knew, that's why she’d said it.

And he kept going, and so had she, and then she drew blood and Seth fucking walked out on her.

It was so fucking stupid. She has no idea why she had to do that, go on and pick a fight. Well, she knows, but it was fucking stupid of her anyway. They are who they are. She and Seth, and Seth and Ryan. Seth's birthday was a week ago and she had thought she was over that, over feeling wronged by Ryan, by Ryan getting Seth something Seth loved, something that warranted a tight hug. And she keeps telling herself she didn't see anything else, it must have been a trick of the light or her own anger.

She rolls her eyes, Mindy still stocking the bar as Alex grumbles under her breath and makes her way out of the club, pushing the door open. She'll talk with Seth, apologize. They don't have to fight, not tonight, not with _Snow Patrol_ \--

"-- nothing."

Alex pauses, her hand still on the edge of the door, her fingers tightening around them without even noticing.

"No, really. It was nothing."

Her eyes narrow as she watches Seth, forearms leaning on the edge of the pier, cell phone in one hand, and she doesn't need three guesses to know who he's talking to.

Seth snorts. "I'm telling you--" He sighs, and for a moment she can't help but think that it's always like this, that she’s always watching Seth and Ryan, Ryan and Seth, in one form or another. "A stupid fight, like usual."

A stupid fight, alright. A stupid fight you started, you stupid son of a bitc--

"No, no, I'm not staying."

Alex swallows, telling herself that if he doesn't plan to go back to the club to apologize, then she sure as hell--

"I'm fine, Ryan. I swear."

Alex snorts again, Seth's words confirming her assumptions. And of course it's Ryan on the phone, who else would it be? Her? No, of course not. It's not like Seth needs her when the idiot has Ryan at his beck and call--

"Look, she just... she said something things, okay? Things... I didn't like."

She sighs, feeling something tightening in her chest that's not quite anger. And she knows she was mean, went for that which would hurt Seth the most, but it was a fight. That's how people fight with one another. Say mean things that they later have to apologize for, even buy candy to apologize for. Or hasn't he ever said something to Ryan that he didn't really mean? She snorts.

"No, no, I don't care if it's _Snow Patrol_ \--" Seth sighs and Alex narrows her eyes. He should have cared. He loves that band. She does too, but Seth loves it even more. He should have cared. Nothing should have been more important to him than seeing them live, not even his fight with her. Not even what she had said. "Look, I'm not staying. Can you come pick me up?"

Alex shakes her head once, because she did pick him up from school while Ryan stood there, at the edge of the parking lot, watching them walk away, again, as she drove on. She snorts.

"Yeah, yeah. Just hurry, okay? Please?"

Her neck and throat burns with pent up anger and she doesn't want to hear anything else, another word from his mouth, and she turns around and walks back into the club.

"Fucking wait for him, if that's what you want," she mutters under her breath, going straight for the bar. "Fucking wait for him and miss the band and I hope you fucking choke on your Thai food."

She hears Mindy sniggering behind her as she picks up the bottle of Absolute and this time she pours herself three fingers.

"Seth coming back?"

Alex snorts, lifting her glass, translucent and clear and snorts again before draining it in one shot, breathing out through her nose as the alcohol makes its way down her throat. "Fuck him."

*****

Lindsay sits on the couch, watching TV with Ryan, his arm along the back of the couch, his thumb almost touching the nape of her neck. Ryan looks relaxed and comfortable, and she would buy that, be sure of that, if it weren't for the way Ryan glanced at Seth when Seth made his way into the kitchen both times. Like he is biting back words he knew he couldn't say, because it was Seth or she was there, she doesn't know, but like biting back words all the same.

She's knows her mom has gone out on dates a couple of times since she was born. Lindsay never met any of the men, because her mom told her that she would when she knew it was serious. She never had a father figure, not one like Sandy Cohen, but she thinks this is how married couples fight.

She can feel bitterness in the thought, the taste on her tongue an almost coppery tang, but she knows she's right as well. She has seen them fight before, about the little stuff, fights like the ones she has with her mother. About whose turn to take out the trash it was supposed to be, or who forgot to return a video to the store, or who ate the last bagel. 

But this one feels different. Deeper somehow. 

It's Thursday and usually they would do homework with Seth but today, Lindsay saw the way Seth walked into the kitchen when they were still at the table. She saw how Seth glanced at Ryan and then snorted, and Ryan had his lips pressed into a thin line and didn't say anything, even though he had to know Seth was there, right there, looking at him with a glare in his eyes.

She hasn't asked about the fight, doesn't want to know, not really, but wants to at the same time. She wants to know what could have possibly happened in between them to leave them like this, fuming at one another and yet not sharing a word.

"Want a coke?"

Lindsay blinks, taken aback by Ryan's words. She turns to look at him, at Ryan looking back at her with soft blue eyes and nods. "Yeah, thanks."

She glances over her shoulder as she watches Ryan make his way around the couch to the kitchen. She turns back to the TV, picks up the remote and starts zapping -- something Ryan hates and she stops herself from doing while watching with Ryan -- and then she hears footsteps and in a second she knows it's Seth, coming back down, again, as if looking for a fight.

She swallows and lets the remote fall on the couch by her side -- she had paused on a shopping channel when she saw a nice necklace, but now they are selling a ceramic figurine -- and turns to look over her shoulder. She can't see much, not from this angle. Ryan's leaning on his hip against the edge of the counter, by the stools, arms folded on his chest. She can't see Seth, but she imagines him by the threshold, looking back at Ryan.

She watches Ryan shake his head once before he's out of her sight, as if going to the fridge. She hears the fridge door opening a second later, and then Ryan's voice. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

She hears Seth snort and wishes she could stand up and watch them from around the corner, but she's certain Ryan would see her. "Oh, really. I don't even know why you're mad at me--"

"You know perfectly well--"

"Ryan, it was stupid, and it had nothing to do with you--"

"It had everything to do with me," Lindsay hears Ryan hissing through his teeth, as if wanting to keep his voice low and being unable to do so. "You and Alex fought--"

"It doesn't matter!"

"Shh!" Lindsay frowns as Ryan quiets Seth, and yes, Seth's voice had been rising, but if they think she can't hear them. "Damn it, Seth, could you stop it? It was nothing. I'm sure she didn't mean--"

"I don't care if she meant it or not, okay? She said it and it was awful and I don't want to--"

"You know what, you're right? It doesn't matter. I'm staying the hell out of your fight."

"Good."

"Good."

Lindsay hears the fridge door slam shut and she jumps in surprise, turning around, picking up the remote once again. She goes back to what they were watching -- halfway through a rerun of L&O: SCU -- and folds her hands in her lap. Ryan sits by her side with a plop, almost tiredly, and hands her the can of coke. She knows, in other circumstances, he would have offered her a glass. She opens the can and takes a long drink.

Ryan doesn't mention his fight with Seth but a second later she hears the French doors opening and then closing, and she closes her eyes briefly as to stop herself from glancing over her shoulder.

She hears Ryan cursing under his breath. She thinks she hears what he says, going over the words in her mind again and again, until they are shaped into words and then into sentence.

picking up a fight for something that's not even worth it--

it's not like it's not true, you know, you stupid little--

you wouldn't know what's good for you if it so much as bit you in the ass--

She hides her grin at the last sentence she thinks she hears, and continues watching the show. By the time it's finished, Ryan hasn't said a word to her but the grumbling under his breath has been more so than before. Finally, Ryan sighs, and shakes his head once before standing up. She hears him mutter one last time about knowing when to pick up fights that aren't his, something he'll never really learn, which of course doesn't make sense, none of this makes any sense at all. She sighs, glancing at him from her peripheral vision and sees him walking out of the kitchen through the French doors.

She'd really like to know what the hell happened between them to get to this point. Really. She knows he's not obliged to tell her -- she doesn't tell him about her fights with her mom -- but she wishes he would.

Lindsay turns all the way around on the couch, ending up almost kneeling on it, her forearms resting on the back. She can see the corner of the futon from this angle, but only the corner and the lower edge of it. She frowns, and Seth's sitting there, on the edge, head leaning forward. Ryan pulls the doors of the pool house open and Seth doesn't look up, even when Ryan sits down beside him, on Seth's right.

She watches them because this is the only way she can ever get any information. This is the only way she can read who they are, who they are with one another, who they are when they aren't with the rest of the world.

She swallows, watching Ryan nudge Seth with his elbow, even if his lips don't move. Seth's don’t either, and that really comes as a surprise, because Seth's not one to keep quiet. Like her, in a way.

She blinks and watches and after a few minutes, they still haven’t said a word. Ryan nudges him once again and then she thinks Seth shakes his head, but she's not sure. And then they are just sitting there, forearms on knees, their elbows not quite touching and yet doing so, just sitting there like they know what they want to say to each other and words would only get in the way. Never come close.

After another minute, Seth nods. Lindsay watches as Ryan nods as well. She breathes in and Ryan places his arm over Seth's shoulders, like he does with her when they are watching TV. She blinks and Ryan pulls Seth to his side, closer, like all the fences have been mended, like they weren't fighting only minutes ago.

She sighs, and turns around, sitting back on the couch, her mind drawing a blank. She swallows and reaches for her coke. The can is slick with condensation, and the liquid is warm on her lips, and it tastes a bit acrid, like Coca Cola always does when it has gone warm after being cold. She thinks about going to the fridge and getting another one, but instead just takes a short sip and places it back on the center table, knowing she won't finish it.

It's not long after that that Ryan and Seth return, Seth saying something she doesn't really catch before Ryan laughs, a sound she's not familiar with. Ryan sits on her left, Seth on the other side of him.

"What are we watching?" Seth asks with a frown, and Lindsay turns around to look at him.

Ryan rolls his eyes, picking the remote from where she had left it, against her left leg. "Here," Ryan says, giving it to Seth. "You pick something."

Seth starts zapping through the channels, going as fast as she does when she's watching TV alone -- her mom hates her zapping as well -- before pausing on "True lies", a movie she has watched a dozen times and still keeps on watching.

Seth nods before settling back on the couch, shifting until he finds a comfortable position. Ryan places his arm along the back of the couch, his right arm, his fingers not even close to the nape of her neck. 

"Okay, how many times have we seen this movie?" Ryan asks, exasperation almost audible in his tone, but laced with amusement.

Seth rolls his eyes, and Lindsay can see him shifting once again, to his right, closer to Ryan. She thinks their legs touch, but she can't be sure.

"A hundred times. I don't care. We're watching it again."

She doesn't mind watching it again. She just wishes Ryan would ask her.

"Do you like this movie?"

Lindsay turns around, surprised at Ryan's words. At Ryan's words directed at her. She nods after a moment. "Yeah. One of my favorites, actually."

Ryan smiles, nodding as he does so before leaning forward and kissing her on the lips. She kisses him back, if only hesitantly at first. She eases into it just before Ryan pulls away, and she's blinking at him, looking back at her.

She gives him a quick smile before settling back on the couch, against his side, and after a moment, his arm comes down to settle around her. She relaxes against him, comfortable, and watches the movie, smiling to herself when Ryan tilts his head and kisses the top of her head, the side of her temple.

*****

Alex tilts her head to the side, smile on her lips, elbows on the edge of the counter in the Cohen’s kitchen. Seth leans forward and kisses her and she can't help but kiss him back, her hands moving to the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. The edge of the kitchen island cuts into her ribs but she doesn't care as her hand move up and her fingers find Seth's hair and stay there.

Alex licks Seth's lower lip with the tip of her tongue, lingers on his upper lip and feels Seth shudder beside her, and she can't help but grin against the kiss. They have just come down from Seth's bedroom and the parents are still out for the night and she doesn't have to go back to the club tonight for a change.

When Seth pulls away, Alex smirks at his swollen lips and glazed look, proud of herself.

Seth leans closer for one last kiss before smiling at her. He mentions dinner and she shrugs, because, yeah, she could eat. Sex always gives her the munchies.

Seth nods, jerking his head over his shoulder, toward the French doors. "I'm gonna ask Ryan want he wants for dinner."

She snorts under her breath, mostly because she doesn't understand the point of asking what Ryan wants when they always have Thai. At least most of the time. She shrugs. "Sure." She thinks about it for a second before pushing herself off the counter and straightening up. "I'll go with you."

Alex runs a hand through her hair, patting her pockets for her hair tie and not finding it. She follows Seth through the French doors and up the five steps that lead to the barbeque area on her right and the pool house straight ahead.

She can see the glass panels, the doors are closed and she's about to say that maybe they should just order and Ryan will probably be out for dinner in a while when Seth just pushes the doors open. She frowns, and once again thinks about speaking up, telling Seth that it might be his house but this is, for all accounts and purposes, Ryan's room, and the door is closed. And she might not quite see eye to eye with Ryan most of the time, but she respects privacy above all else, considering she never had any while living with her parents.

But Seth's faster than she is, just pushing the door open and walking inside. She follows him and when she notices that the room is empty, she finally speaks up. "He must have gone out," she says with a shrug.

Seth shakes his head. "Nah, Ryan wouldn't do that. He'd tell me if he was leaving."

Her eyes narrow on their own, her mind racing with those words. Of course he wouldn't do that. He'd tell you first. The same way you called him first thing after we got into that fight. The same way you run to him--

She shakes her head. She can't stop herself from remembering that day, that night, not even a week ago. And the fight had been huge and stupid and she knows the real reason Seth held that grudge for a good two days was because of what she said about Ryan, and nothing else. And she remembers standing there, before Seth, her tone rising and going for the throat because it felt good, because they were fighting and in that second she wanted him to hurt. And how fucked up that had been. And how bad she had felt that night when she arrived at her place.

He could have left without telling you, she thinks about saying, and the words are on the tip of her tongue when she hears the shower running.

"Oh, right," Seth says with a nod, walking around the bed and up the two steps, to the bathroom.

Alex chuckles. "What, are you just going to walk ins--?"

Her words die in her throat as Seth does exactly that, pushing the bathroom door open. She pauses, just standing there, next to the futon, blinking at Seth taking a step forward into the bathroom, hand lingering on the doorknob for a second. She can see the vapor from the shower coming out of the bathroom, the edge of the closed curtain and the side of the toilet. She swallows. Seth, you stupid son of a bitc--

She thinks she'd be appalled, if she weren't so surprised.

"Seth?"

Alex blinks, hearing Ryan's voice and taking a step to the right, wanting to see more of the curtain and more of Seth at the same time. She sees Seth nod, leaning back against the edge of the wall, arms folded on his chest.

"Dude, question. What do you want for dinner?"

"Seth, how many times--?" Ryan's voice, and Alex can really finish that sentence all on her own.

"Thai? I mean, we've been practically supporting Mr. Ko's establishment all by ourselves, you know? Also, isn't Ko, like, Chinese or something? Not really Thai, right?"

Alex hears the shower curtain being pulled back before she sees Ryan leaning forward, head out through the gap of the curtain that's being held chest high. His hair is plastered against the side of his head, wet, white trails of soap still on the side of his face. "Seth, I'm taking a shower. Sho-wer. I thought I explained that concept to you last year?"

Seth waves it off with one left hand. "Whatever. Pizza? It has been ages since we--"

She thinks she sees Ryan sighing in resignation, but it might very well be her imagination. 

"Yeah, pizza's fine," Ryan says, letting the curtain drop from his hands, and from this angle, she can see almost a line of skin, his pale right shoulder, his side and her eyes narrow not in anger but appreciation. She would whistle, if Seth wouldn't hear her. "Could you get that--?"

"Double order of garlic bread and the cheese fingers thingies that you love so much--"

"I don't--"

"And I better make that two orders too, because last time--"

"Oh, please, you ate Kirsten's portion and then tried to convince her she had already eaten them, so don't even try--"

"Meat lovers, right? Two? Alex is here as well."

Ryan's voice comes muffled by the shower, and Alex wonders how in the world Seth has no understanding of the word boundaries. "She staying for dinner?"

"Yeah."

"Then, yeah, two. Better safe--"

"--than you staying hungry, I know."

She hears the curtain being pulled open once again, and Seth laughs, and she can fill in the blanks of Ryan shooting Seth the bird. The shower goes silent, water apparently being turned off, before hearing Ryan's voice. "Pretend you're here for something other than testing my patience and hand me--"

Seth turns around, reaching somewhere she can't quite see from this angle -- and is it just her, or does she spend half her time spying on them? -- before taking a step forward, closer to the shower, and handing Ryan a towel.

She watches more skin and muscle than she should, water making it slick and glisten and her heart beats so very loud in her chest and ears because, yeah, she's with Seth, but she's a woman and that boy is hot. After a breath, she turns her face away, and can hear the exchange of words, but can't understand them, or doesn't really pay attention to them. She frowns and thinks about Seth, walking into Ryan's bedroom like he has every right to be here. Into the fucking bathroom and how the fuck can Seth do that, just walk in with no regards whatsoever for Ryan's privacy--?

"Oh, Alex."

She looks up, blinking, her eyes taking in the towel draped around Ryan's hips, right hand holding the edges together, the water still clinging to his chest, rivulets making their way down in between his pectorals and down his abdomen, the damp hair standing out, and she can’t help but breath out through her mouth, her gaze taking in the miles of skin and skin and _skin_ \--

"I didn't know you were--"

Alex blinks, her gaze moving up to Ryan's face. She shrugs, composing herself in two seconds flat. "I just followed Seth in here. I didn't know he was going to interrupt your shower," she says with a glare directed at Seth.

Yes, subtlety totally goes over Seth's head, because Seth just smiles at her and nods, like he did everything right. 

"Yeah," Ryan says with a shake of his head, and the amusement in his tone isn't something Alex imagines. He glances over his shoulder at Seth before moving to the whicker boxes that, apparently, serve as his closet. "Seth has no idea what words like _restrain_ , or _boundaries_ , or _privacy_ , or _not his_ mean."

Alex nods, because it's one thing to watch Seth do that, and another entirely to be on the receiving end of Seth's single-mindedness when he wants something, when he thinks there's nothing wrong with wanting that something. She swallows, and nods again. "Yeah, sorry."

Ryan waves it off with his left hand, a habit he seems to have picked up from Seth. "Don't worry." He puts on a gray t-shirt that clings to his body, and picks up pants and underwear -- she very pointedly doesn't look at the white briefs -- before jerking his head toward the bathroom.

"I'm just gonna--"

"Dude, change, we have to--" 

Ryan glares at Seth, his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched, and Alex snorts in the back of her throat. If Ryan changes before Seth -- first of all, she really doesn't want to know, and second of all, she really doesn't want to know -- that's one thing, but she knows Ryan's not going to change in front of her.

Seth doesn't get it, apparently, and Alex thinks about throwing something his way when Ryan clears his throat and then Seth's nodding. "Right, right. Out. For you to change. Of course. Privacy, I think it's called." He gives her a quick smile before walking around Ryan, down the two steps and to the door.

Alex snorts once again, walking toward the door herself, before looking over her shoulder at Ryan. Ryan, who makes his way down the two steps slowly, holding the towel in one hand and his jeans and underwear and socks in the other. Ryan, who will change in the middle of the room the moment they step out. Ryan, who apparently would have changed in the middle of the room, had Alex not been there.

She sighs and turns her head back around, and follows Seth to the kitchen, thinking about telling Seth about three orders of garlic bread because she really likes those.

*****

Lindsay walks out of AP Calculus and looks both ways down the hallway before frowning. She checks her watch, taking a step to the side to allow the rest of the students to walk out. Not that there are many. Barely a class of seven, considering the level of Calculus taught.

It's a little after three and she knows Ryan has, probably, left school long ago. She thinks about calling him, maybe pick him up so they can go somewhere. A movie, she thinks with a smile. A movie and maybe something to eat afterwards and--

Lindsay takes a step to the side even as she hits the speed dial on her cell phone, Peter Grodin making his way out of the classroom as well, giving her a smile.

"Hey," Peter says, making his way to her, hefting his backpack on one shoulder. "Dr. Quiu said twenty minute break before the study session. Wanna have something to eat?"

She shakes her head, hearing the call go straight to voice mail. She frowns before looking up at Peter. "Oh, no, no. Thanks. I'm fine." She gives him a quick smile, shrugging as she does so. "I might not go to study session today."

Peter frowns, head cocked to the side. "What? Why? You're always so--"

Peter kind of trails off, moving one hand in the air, as if trying to convey Lindsay in a couple of words. Driven? Passionate? Obsessed? Crazy? All of the above?

Lindsay grins. "I know. I just--" Today, just today, she doesn't want to think about numbers or serials or anything. She just wants to go to the movies and snuggle up to her boyfriend's side and be very quiet because Ryan hates people talking while watching a movie. She shrugs. "I gotta go," she says, lifting her purse higher on her arm.

Peter nods, waving at her even as she turns around and hits #4 on her cell phone, waiting a few seconds before it goes to voice mail -- again. She sighs, and takes a left turn, cutting through the lounge to go to the parking lot. Maybe it's her connection? Which of course wouldn't make any sense but--

"Lindsay!"

She turns around, blinking and trying to see who is actually calling out for her that isn't in the Calculus study session. To say that she's surprised that it's Marissa and Summer would probably be the understatement of the year.

She swallows, making her way to the couch they are sharing, plastering a smile on her lips she doesn't really feel. This is Ryan's ex, beautiful and breathtaking and thin with perfectly manicured hands and applied make up and--

"Hey," she says with a small smile, swallowing again as she does so. "I didn't see you guys."

Lindsay remembers Ryan talking her into sitting with Marissa and Summer in Economics class and the three of them doing a paper together, but that was about as close as they were able to get. She still doesn't feel comfortable exchanging more than ten words with Ryan's ex.

"Wanna have a cup of coffee?" Summer says with a smile. "We're talking about boys," she lifts her eyebrows up and down, suggestively, and Marissa giggles into her hand.

She gives them a quick smile but shakes her head. "Sorry, I'm trying to reach Ryan," she says, lifting her cell phone still cradled in one hand. "I thought maybe we could go to the movies--"

"Oh, but its Wednesday," Marissa says as a matter of fact.

Lindsay frowns; watching Summer knowingly, like this means something. Like the fact that it's Wednesday should mean something to her, as it obviously does to them. "Wednesday?"

Summer nods. "Yeah, Wednesday."

Yeah, well, it's Wednesday. So? Lindsay gives them a short laugh, not at all funny. "Well, yes. It is Wednesday, and I know Ryan had seventh period free, so--"

"So he's not here anymore," Summer says with a nod, picking up her coffee and glancing at Marissa before looking back at Lindsay. "Neither is Seth."

Lindsay frowns this time, totally confused, thinking they are playing a very mean game on her and wondering if it'd be rude of her to just walk away and keep on calling Ryan. "Seth? What does he have to do--?"

_what does he have to do with anything?_

And her words end there because the question is stupid, and she knows it's stupid, and from the quick but meaningful glance Marissa and Summer share, they know it's stupid as well.

"I didn't know," she says after a moment, the only thing she can say. They have their free period together. That implies premeditation. Previous thought. As usual. She swallows bitterly and wants a Coke, not coffee. "I didn't know."

Summer shrugs. "Wednesday means going to the Comic Book store and then just hanging out, the two of them, reading the new comics." She nods and then Marissa follows, taking a long drink from her coffee, and Lindsay has a feeling it's Irish. "Zach actually tried to get in between them," Summer says thoughtfully before chuckling. "Poor thing. I think I can still see the claw marks on his back."

Marissa chuckles again, and this time it sounds more drunken than it does girlish. "You should have warned him."

Summer snorts. "Oh, please, it was fun watching him try to be friends with them." She turns around, looking straight at Lindsay. "Not that they aren't friends. He and Cohen have a weird affinity when it comes to comics. But trying to get in between Cohen and Ryan's Wednesdays together? That was just plain stupid. Serves him right," she finishes with a nod.

Lindsay keeps on looking at them, blinking, trying to find heads or tails of this conversation and coming up with an imaginary number. "I'm sorry, I don't--"

"Ryan and Seth spend their Wednesdays together," Marissa says again, her voice sounding surprisingly sober, even though her eyes look kind of weird, and a bit high. "They always have. Since they met, I think." She pauses, tilting her head to the side, and Lindsay can imagine her trying to bring a recollection to the forefront of her mind. "Yeah," Marissa says after a moment. "Pretty much."

"I don't--"

Summer cuts her off. "That's why they have the final period on Wednesdays together. So they can go to the store and buy those stupid comic books and spend the rest of the afternoon together like stupid little bitches."

Marissa turns to look at her, one eyebrow raised, very much a Ryan move that makes Lindsay certain she picked it up from him. "Bitter much?"

Summer glares at Marissa before picking up Marissa's coffee and taking a long drink from it. The way Summer grimaces a bit before breathing out confirms Lindsay's assumption about the Irish coffee.

"Anyway," Summer says with a smile, lifting Marissa's coffee. "Coffee?"

Lindsay shakes her head, taking a step back and closing her cell phone off in one swift move. "No, no, I'm fine," she says, shrugging with one shoulder, "I'm just gonna-- Nice talking to you!"

She turns around and walks out of the lounge and down the hallway, back from where she came. She swallows thickly and thinks about Ryan leaving early today and driving while Seth probably babbles in the passenger seat. Lindsay closes her eyes briefly, pausing in mid step, looking down at the cell phone in her hands. Her fingers curl tightly over it. 

She shoves it inside her bag before placing it over her shoulder once again and wonders if Peter saved her a seat.

*****

Seth's hand moves from her side, fingers touching the contour of her ribs to her left breast, caressing the still sensitized skin, making her shiver, her eyes closing at the pleasure brought by the touch, not quite purring under her breath. Seth turns around on her bed, rolling from his back to his side, and Alex turns to look at him before he lowers his face to lick the path of her collarbone.

The tingles and looseness, laced with sleepiness from her recent orgasm leave her skin warm and hot, every pore an erogenous zone, and Seth knows this, is familiar with it.

Alex can feel him smirk against her skin, and her right hand falls on his shoulder blades, moving down to his hip, pulling him closer to her. He's half hard and she smiles, the pressure of heat and desire low in her belly, and she tilts her head, kissing the side of his face as he makes her arc up under his touch.

She might not be able to come right away, but she'll give it her best shot, and she grins, her left hand moving to his side, touching him and feeling him respond under her touch, before the ring of his cell phone makes her groan in frustration.

Seth places one kiss on her skin before rolling out of her, reaching for his cell phone. She recognizes the ringtone and she can feel anger replacing the warmth in her stomach, on her skin. She swallows past the tightness in her throat and only half listens to his conversation on the phone.

"Yes, yes. Sure. I'll be there in half an hour. Don't worry. Just wait for me."

Alex doesn't need Seth to explain it to her. She knows the explanations by heart now. Lindsay and Ryan fought. Lindsay left Ryan stranded somewhere in the great Orange County. Seth has the car with which he met Alex at her place not even an hour ago. Seth has to pick him up. She knows this, all this. Isn't this the second time in a month, two, two and a half weeks? She snorts, rolling out of bed to sit up on the edge before pulling the sheet around her shoulders. She frowns, and thinks that if Seth's going to fucking leave her for Ryan, at the very least he should see what he's leaving behind. She lets the sheet fall from her fingers as she stands up, dressed in nothing but one of her necklaces and the two strands of leather bound around her left wrist.

"Alex, I'm sorry, I gotta--"

She waves his words off, walking around the bed toward the bathroom, giving him a perfect view of her sweat slick skin, narrow waist and perfect ass. "Whatever," she says, her tone natural and controlled, the anger she feels boiling hot just under her skin.

"I'm gonna--"

"Go," she says with a shrug, pausing by the doorway. She turns around, her side to him, the contour of her breasts, the flat expanses of her stomach, the sandy brown curls on her pussy, all visible to him. "Lock when you leave. I'm gonna take a shower."

She turns around and walks away, to the bathroom, leaving the door open as she pushes back the curtain and turns on the hot water. She walks inside, letting the cascade of water fall on top of her head, hair plastering to the sides of her face. She runs her hands through it, straightening over her shoulders, down her back. She closes her eyes for a second, can almost see him putting on his clothes, picking up his wallet and his keys and his cell phone.

She doesn't care, she tells herself. She doesn't give a flying fuck. She doesn't think about how he should tell Ryan to fuck himself and either get a cab or take the bus instead of leaving her naked and wanting. She swallows, letting her anger go with the water and her sweat and his smell, and before she reaches for shampoo, she can hear the front door closing.

She closes her eyes briefly before pouring some onto her hand and running her fingers through her hair once again.

*****

They are lying down on the futon, Lindsay looking up at the ceiling, half smiling. She turns to her left, Ryan's arms folded under his head, his face turned to the right to look at her. She likes this, the comfortableness that comes with knowing someone and being able to do this, just lie down and be and not have to think about words to fill the silence. She really likes this.

She smiles, reaching out to touch his face, the back of her knuckles against the soft skin of his cheek. He looks back at her, the corner of his lips curling upwards, in an almost smile that seems to define him.

She leans forward and kisses him, his hand moving to her shoulder, keeping her in place. Not that she could ever move away from him. He kisses her back, making her sigh against the kiss, making her skin tingle and setting her free.

When she pulls away, she lies back down on the bed, looking at him sideways, the contour of his face, the high of his cheekbones, and the line of his jaw. So handsome, she can't help but think. So handsome and mine.

"You know," she says after a moment, fully knowing she wants to take advantage of the fact that Ryan's relaxed. "You never told me how you met the Cohens."

Ryan had made a passing mention that Sandy and Kirsten were his guardians, and Seth said something about a model home and something called Casino Night that she didn't really understand. She never got the whole story, and now is a good time as any, right?

Ryan nods, giving her that small smile, nothing but the curl of his lips, and looking up at the ceiling, fingers twined together, head resting against his hands.

To her surprise, he actually talks with her, or at her, she's not sure, because not once does he meet her eyes. He keeps on looking at the ceiling, his voice steady, not rising, not lowering. Something even kin to amusement at times, when talking about the Model Home -- she finally knows what it was they were talking about, and can't help but wonder how Seth could come up with a plan like that.

"It was his idea," Ryan says with a shrug, a small smile on his lips. The smile is the curl of both corners of his lips, almost as if his lips don't want to give in to the desire to smile, to be happy. Lindsay blinks and watches him avidly. "He even bought me the ticket to Austin, you know?"

He pauses then, and Lindsay props herself higher on her elbow, face against her own open palm. She can see his eyes becoming unfocused for a second, as if going there, back then, over a year ago.

"I had never met anyone like him," he says, his tone lowering, wistful and appreciative, pleased, content. "He was so... I don't know. He just sat there, you know. He was just sitting there when I walked in."

I know, she thinks. You told me. You already told me that. But she doesn't say a word, and he doesn't stop.

"He was just sitting there. In pajama pants and this stupid 78 shirt that Seth still has somewhere in his drawer and he just turned and looked at me and said _Hey_."

And Lindsay doesn't need Ryan to finish his thought, which he doesn't, to know that Ryan answered _Hey_ back. She knows this, because they still do that. They still look at each other and say _hey_ to one another like it's still their first day, like they are only now getting to meet, like they have known each other a lifetime.

"He's--" Ryan's words die in his throat, like there aren't enough in his vocabulary to convey what he wants to say. Or maybe that's just how Lindsay feels, she's not sure. "He's the first person I met, after Sandy. He's--" He shrugs. "He was always... unique."

That's one way of putting it, Lindsay thinks, because Marissa and Summer both told her what Harbor and Newport used to be like before Ryan arrived and Seth stopped being pushed around by the waterpolo players.

"He was so different, from anybody I had ever met. He just sat there and looked at me when I walked in," he says, shrugging as he does so, almost like he's not talking to her, not anymore, but being drawn into the memory, in the very recollection of it. "I walked in and he was there and he looked at me." Ryan pauses for a second and Lindsay can't help but feel her breath catch in her throat, waiting, and waiting. "He said _Hey_ and the next thing I know I was sitting on the floor of the den, having breakfast with him." Another pause, an intake of breath from Ryan and Lindsay watches as his voice lowers and something catches in her throat. "He was always different."

Yeah, one way of putting it, that's alright. Seth had been a bit of a loner and very much a geek, Summer had said with a shrug. Until Ryan came along. Until Ryan kind of saved him from himself. Lindsay swallows.

"We just connected," Ryan says, his head tilted to the side, away from her. "We just... It just fit." Ryan sighs, and it sounds more like amusement and so very akin to something she can't quite word, so she lets it go, lets herself forget it. "I had never met anyone like him."

Yes, she can imagine. She blinks, looking at him, at the way his eyes close slightly, at the crinkling at the corners of them, and she thinks he's not here anymore but there, then, sitting in the den with Seth, controller in hand, and the tip of his tongue darts out to lick the corner of his lips and for a second she can't breathe, she can't see straight.

Lindsay leans forward, her hand moving to his chest, to the shallow of his ribs. She knows how to push all thought of Seth out of Ryan's mind. She smiles down at Ryan and kisses him, pulling his face to her, licking his lower lip with her tongue, the inside of his upper lip, feeling him shudder under her.

She smirks against the kiss, her right hand making its way up, to where his neck meets his shoulder, pushing Seth out of Ryan's mind, pulling Ryan closer, closer. He rolls with her, Lindsay lying on the bed, on her back, Ryan half on top of her, his skin hot where she touches him, her lips wide open, his kisses leaving her breathless. Her left hand finds his hip and pulls, Ryan pausing on the kiss, sighing against her lips, and she relaxes, lets him touch her, kisses him back until all he can think of is her hands, her touch, her body, herself.

*****

Alex lets Seth push her against the fridge, lets him kiss her, tilts her head to the side to give him better access to her neck, and half moans in the back of her throat. Not even half an hour ago, they were in his bedroom even though she was still mad at him about what happened two days ago, for leaving her wanting and naked to go and be the knight in shining armor -- or maybe not shining armor but shining Range Rover -- to Ryan instead of her. Not that she ever wanted shining armor. Someone she could rely one when she wanted/needed someone to rely on, more likely.

She smiles, sighs against Seth's kisses, lets herself be touched and enjoys it, even if she knows she needs at least another half an hour to recuperate from their previous... endeavors, shall we say? She grins, pulling back when she knows he's getting too into it. She needs to nip this one in the butt.

She brings Seth's face to hers, kisses him deeply, making him find religion under her lips, before pulling away. "After dinner," she says with a smirk, with a wink, and he nods rapidly. Excited, expectant, horny, all of the above. She nods, proud of herself. Yes, after dinner. More than enough time.

"I'm gonna--" Seth says, jerking his head over his shoulders, toward the French doors, and didn't he do that last week? For that same reason, didn't she come here for dinner last week too, on her day off?

Her eyes narrow and she remembers Ryan still in the shower and Seth not really caring and Ryan almost changing with Seth in the room and she'd rather be there. "Sure," she says with a small smile. "I'll go with you."

Seth nods, turning around and making his way to the pool house. Alex follows him closely, notices the closed door and thinks about Ryan, maybe taking a shower, maybe--

Seth opens the door without breaking his stride, not pausing, not caring. Alex's close enough to hear a gasp from inside, and see the shifting bodies -- still clothed but so very obviously on the way to not being so -- of Lindsay and Ryan. Ryan, rolling off Lindsay and sitting up at the end of the futon in one fluid motion, Lindsay folding her legs under herself on the bed even as she runs her hands through her hair and tries to pull her blouse together at the same time.

Alex smirks, seeing the flush on Ryan's face, the way he crosses one leg over the other, Lindsay’s swollen lips, and she turns around to look at Seth. Seth doesn't look taken aback, at all, like he's-- Has Seth walked in on Ryan and Lindsay making out (maybe wanting to do something else but Seth does have impeccable timing) before? Has Seth walked in on Ryan and Marissa before that? My God, Alex thinks with a snort. Does Seth have any idea what PRIVACY means?

" _Seth_ ," Ryan says, his tone low, almost like a warning, elongating the word, giving it three syllables instead of one.

Seth bounces on his feet, gives Lindsay a quick smile then turns around to look at Ryan once again. Alex snorts. No sense of privacy at all, and why doesn't this surprise her?

"We're ordering," Seth says with a shrug and Alex can only shake her head, because, yeah, he has no idea what the fucking word even means. She's going to have to buy him a dictionary. "I'm thinking Thai. Or you want something else?"

The thought that Seth's asking Ryan and never even thought to ask her what she wants runs through her mind but she pushes it away, buries it with the thousand other things she doesn't want to think about. Like how Jodie still hates her a little bit about the way she broke up with her over the phone, and how Alex had to tell Jodie that she's seeing someone new now, to get her to back the fuck off. 

Alex blinks and watches Ryan look at Seth, his eyes looking straight at Seth, before narrowing a bit. Softening, she thinks, but pushes that thought away as well. Ryan snorts, shakes his head once and stands up; "Thai is fine," he says as he does so.

Alex sighs, watching Seth nod out of the corner of his eyes, Ryan smiling at Seth. Alex turns away, away, and looks at Lindsay watching them as well, her eyes narrowed, knowledge behind those blue eyes glaring at the two boys. Alex nods. I get you, she thinks, wants to say when she gets her alone. I so fucking get you. They should fucking get married and be done with it, don't ya think?

Lindsay turns around, looking away from the boys and right at Alex. And Alex nods, slowly, knowingly, accepting the secret they both know, that they both lie to themselves about. Lindsay sighs and Alex gives her a small smile, and she wants nothing more than to get Lindsay alone in her apartment and get her drunk so she can confess to her, to the one that can understand, that they are dating boys already taken.

Lindsay swallows, and Alex nods again, slower this time, and Lindsay nods back at her.

"I'm ordering you pad thai," Seth says with a grin, and Ryan nods.

"Don't forget the tom young soup," Ryan's voice is low, a shrug on his shoulders. And Alex gets the feeling it's for Seth to eat.

Her eyes narrow and she's about to say something that shouldn't come from her lips when Seth turns around and asks her what she wants. She snorts. Fucking time you fucking remember--

She shrugs. "Dumplings," she says, and Lindsay nods, and asks for some Vietnamese rolls, please.

Seth agrees, says they are going to end up ordering the Cohen special, which is pretty much everything on the menu times two, and Ryan chuckles and shakes his head, and mentions that there is no army here, just four kids.

Alex doesn't get the joke, and when she glances at Lindsay, the way Lindsay's eyes narrow, she knows neither does Lindsay. But then again, that's nothing new.

*****

Lindsay chuckles against his neck, shivers when Ryan touches her hips, his fingers moving slowly under the rim of her jeans. She pulls away, enough to look at him, and his blue eyes have darkened with desire and she feels something proud inside of her, because she did this, she made Ryan forget all about Seth and his interruption for dinner and every bit of half sentence Ryan uttered and Seth completed. She brings his face down to hers, kisses him, feels him hard through his jean and against her leg. But it's late and she has to get home sometime tonight, and Sandy and Kirsten should be arriving soon and she really doesn't want either of them walking in on this.

She pulls away once again, and this time Ryan nods, sitting up on the futon, running one hand through his hair. She glances at the crotch of his jeans, at the bulge she can see, and she can't stop the proud grin from taking over her lips.

"I gotta--"

Ryan nods, silently, looking away from her. Looking away because she makes him hot, she makes him lose his control, and god, she likes that. She loves that.

"I was thinking," he says, and she turns around to look at him even as she starts buttoning up her blouse. He shrugs. "I thought we could go out. With Seth and Alex." He shrugs again. "To the movies."

She thinks about it for a moment, glancing to the door of the pool house. Seth's in the house, probably in his bedroom, after Alex left for the club because there was something wrong with something Lindsay didn't quite get. Ryan hadn't wanted to leave Seth alone, but Seth had insisted, said he was just going to be in his room.

"Sure," she says with a smile, a quick kiss to his lips. "Tell Seth to ask Alex. This weekend, maybe."

Ryan smiles, nodding as he does so, and when they've both composed themselves, he opens the door for her. She walks past the pool and into the kitchen, and Seth's sitting in the den, on the floor, controller in hand, looking over his right shoulder at them -- at Ryan. She glances between the two, Ryan's hand still on the doorknob of the French doors, Seth with a small smile on his lips, legs Indian style, controller in hand. They look at one another and Lindsay ceases to exist in that moment, it's just the two of them and she can't help but close her eyes and count to ten in her mind.

When she opens them, Seth's still smiling, and Ryan still has his hand on the doorknob and as much as she'd like to know what this all means, she keeps her questions to herself, because truth is, she really doesn't want to know.

"Hey," Seth says, his voice low.

"Hey," Ryan answers back, and in that second, it all seems to come together and fit, and she recognizes this moment as the memory Ryan shared with her. And now she's watching it. 

Ryan blinks and turns to look at her, straight at her, like she appeared out of thin air and he's wondering who she is and what she's doing here, in between him and Seth. Her eyes narrow and Ryan gives her a small smile, barely the curl of the corner of his lips and it's not enough, and the smile isn’t reflected in his eyes, but she doesn't let herself think about that.

"Let me walk to you to--"

She nods, making her way around the kitchen island. "Bye, Seth," she says over her shoulder and Seth answers with a quiet, "Oh, bye," before she's reached the threshold of the kitchen.

She hears Ryan's voice, her back still to him. "Start the--"

"Yeah, yeah. Actually, that should be you. You're the brawn in this relationship."

"And you're what, the brains?"

"I'm certainly not the boobs."

"And now look who's the bitch."

Seth snorts. "Hurry. I'm gonna kick your--"

"In your dreams. Last time--"

"Last time was nothing but sheer good luck, Mr. Atwood. I'll show you the Cohen--"

"How Cohens' bite the dust? Yes, I'm sure--"

"Whatever. Just go. Hurry back."

She closes her eyes briefly, bites her lower lip and doesn't move until Ryan's hand finds its way to the small of her back, walking her out of the house and to her car.

*****

Alex looks at her reflection in the mirror, picking up the dark gray eye shadow and applying a bit more, making her eyes stand out. She nods at her reflection and runs the lipstick over her lips one last time before putting on her silver heart necklace and a couple of her rings. She glances at the clock, almost seven thirty. Seth should be here any--

The honk of a car makes her swear under her breath. She rushes out of the bathroom and into the living room, picking up her black bag and searching for her wallet at the same time. She combs her hair one last time with her fingers before walking out of her apartment just as Seth's reaching the door. He smiles at her and she smiles back, and kisses him when he's close. Her hand moves to his face, pulling him closer, his left hand moving to her lower back. When she pulls away, she asks, "So?"

He smiles back at her. "So?"

She chuckles, nudging him with her shoulder, and he takes a step back, down the steps leading to her front door. Her bag in her hands, she walks out her house, locking the door behind her. She can see the Range Rover parked on the street. From this angle, she can't see who's in the front seat, but she assumes Ryan's driving.

Seth starts telling her about this paper he has due for Monday, and for a second her mind runs with all the differences they have, how she has to worry about work and paying the rent, and all he has to worry about is handing in papers in time.

"God, I hate that subject," Seth says with a shake of his head, talking about Chemistry, which, she remembers, he hates. "Science has never been my thing," he says as he opens the back door.

She nods, jumping in, and scooting to the left side, behind the driver. Ryan turns around and nods at her from the driver’s seat. "Hey, Alex."

She nods back. "Hey." She turns to look at Seth, still holding the back door open for her, and she expects him to get inside with her. That's her first mistake, she thinks a second later, when Seth closes the door. She blinks, her mouth opening to ask something, when the passenger door opens and Seth gets inside.

Seth gets in, sitting in the passenger seat, next to Ryan. Next to Ryan, when anyone in their right mind would have chosen to sit next to their girlfriend.

Seth turns around, looking over his left shoulder at her, big smile on his face. "We're gonna pick up Lindsay now."

Ryan starts the car, not saying anything. She glances away from Seth, lifting her eyes to the rearview mirror. For a moment she meets Ryan's eyes there, blue meeting blue, and her own narrow. Ryan's eyes hold hers, a second, barely even a breath, and she almost imagines he's telling her something with his glance.

See? Do you see this? You know. You see this and you know.

She swallows thickly and when she blinks, Ryan's looking to his left, at the left mirror before pulling into the street, and the moment has passed, and she knows he didn't tell her anything with his eyes. Or maybe she only saw what she wants to see, the irony and sarcasm in there when she really feels that inside herself.

She folds her arms over her chest, her bag on her right, and looks out the window. The movie better be fucking worth it.

*****

Lindsay looks at her reflection in her vanity mirror, running her index finger over her lower eyelid, fixing the small run of her black kohl pencil. She nods at herself, cleans the corner of her left eye. She makes her way to her bed, her bag on top of it, and makes sure she has her lipstick inside, as well as a small pack of Kleenex, just in case.

She hears the doorbell, and she rushes to her closet, taking out her black jacket, the one that makes her look at least two pounds thinner. 

"Lindsay!"

"Just a minute, mom!" She yells over her shoulder, making sure she has her wallet in her purse, tissue paper and her lipstick. She closes her small black purse and walks out of her bedroom, making her way slowly down the stairs.

Ryan's standing with his back to her, looking at the small souvenirs her aunt, her mother's sister, keeps sending from her travels as a photographer. As she reaches the final step, he turns around, smiling at her. She can't help but smile back.

He meets her in the middle of the living room, kissing her in greeting, his hand moving to the small of her back.

"Ready?" He asks as they pull away, and she nods.

"Let me just--?"

Ryan nods, Lindsay walking into the kitchen to say her goodbyes to her mom. She tells her that she'll be back around eleven, midnight at the latest, in case they go to dinner after the movie. Her mom gives her an additional twenty, just in case, and she places it in her purse.

Ryan's waiting for her by the door, opening it for her, and she locks it behind them. She can see the Range Rover parked on the street.

"What movie are we going to see?"

Ryan shrugs. "I'm not sure. Haven't decided yet."

She nods, noticing that Seth's sitting in the passenger seat. Seth waves at her and she nods back at him, half frowning. If Seth's there, then--

Ryan holds the door of the backseat open and when she glances inside, Alex's sitting there, giving her a sarcastic smile.

Lindsay turns around to look at Ryan, but Ryan just keeps on looking at her, smile on his lips, like he has no idea he's doing something wrong.

"Hop in," Alex says, saccharine sweet, sarcastic to the core. The grin on her lips feels bittersweet even to Lindsay.

Lindsay sighs and gets inside, Ryan giving a quick kiss to her still lips before closing the door.

"What--?" Lindsay starts, not quite knowing what she can say that won't end up in curses and her making a scene.

Alex snorts, and Lindsay can see the anger in the corners of her eyes, in the way she holds her arms folded on her chest. Alex reminds her of Ryan in that second, then Alex shakes her head and the moment is gone.

"Fucking idiots, the two of them," Alex says under her breath.

Lindsay turns around to see if Seth noticed, but he's more focused on Ryan getting into the car, exchanging a quick look that seems to say more than a thousand words, then a lift of an eyebrow from Ryan, that Lindsay can see in the rearview mirror. Seth must have given Ryan a look or something, because then Ryan chuckles and Lindsay folds her arms over her chest as well.

"Welcome to my nightmare," Alex says with the twist of her lips that isn't quite a smile.

Lindsay snorts.

Seth turns around to look at them over his shoulder, Ryan pulling away from the street. "This is gonna be great," Seth says before turning back around.

Alex chokes on her laughter and Lindsay glances at her. Nightmare. Yeah, pretty much.

*****

There are a couple of movies actually worth watching on IMAX. There's Constantine, and Alex has to accept that she only wants to watch it because, no matter what, Keanu Reeves is hot. And she'd like to see him get a little bit undressed. But Seth refuses to watch it, and the _right now_ seems a little bit implied. Ryan lifts an eyebrow, Alex notices, but says nothing, and neither does she or Lindsay.

"Okay, there's Pride and Prejudice," Lindsay says with a shrug, and Alex glances at her for a moment. Lindsay's eyes seem to say more than her words ever could, and Alex nods, almost hearing what is obviously implied. Safe, for all of us. 

Alex has never actually read the book, but isn't it about a woman cheating on a guy? Or the guy doing the cheating? At least someone was doing the cheating, and she really doesn't want to watch her life on the big fucking screen.

"There's the Exorcist. It starts in half an hour," Seth says, and Alex might not know him that well, but it looks like he's almost bouncing on the soles of his feet.

"No."

Alex turns to look at Ryan, really look at him. The way Ryan says it, flat out, like there's no way they should even reconsider it. She's never been one for horror, not really. Jodie was the romantic type and she usually liked to watch something get blown up. But horror, well, she could get behind it.

"But, dude," Seth starts, still bouncing on his feet, and Ryan's face only seems to become harder, his lips pressing into a thin line. Seth doesn't care, just pushes forward. Alex can't help but smirk at that. "This is The Exorcist we're talking about. Perfect and simple and it's William Peter Blatty at his finest, you can't just--"

"He only wrote The Exorcist and Legion and you well know it," Ryan says with a snort and a curl of his thin and very pretty lips -- Alex hadn't noticed until now. And then a pause, and a straight "No," that Ryan says with a hard look, his eyes meeting Seth's without a doubt, not letting go.

Seth smiles. "There's nothing else to see."

Alex glances at the marquee once again, like it has sprouted new titles in the last two minutes. There's "The upside of anger", and she has no idea what the hell that is, and "Robots", and she's pretty sure that's animated and there's no way in hell she's watching anything animated.

"It really is the only thing decent to see," Lindsay says with a small smile, a shrug of her thin and pretty shoulders, and Ryan turns around and glares at her for accessory.

Alex grinds her teeth together and is about to tell Ryan to shove it, because if he wants to get into a fight with Seth then she and Lindsay will watch something they want to see and the boys can just go fuck themselves. Or better yet, each other. But then Ryan sighs and nods and says, "Okay, fine."

Lindsay nods, not the least put out by the ten second glare, and Alex thinks Lindsay's a bigger woman than she is.

"Okay then." Seth's still bouncing on his feet. Alex wants to punch him right then and there. "You go buy the tickets and I'll keep the girls company."

Ryan's eyes narrow, but the look is almost filled with amusement and warmth instead of anger. Alex's hand reaches for Seth's side, pulling him closer, and Seth comes willingly, his arm draping over her shoulder. It does very little to reassure her.

"Really?"

Seth nods. "Yep. You just go and--"

"--buy the tickets," Ryan finishes for Seth. He snorts, shaking his head once. "I should really go into business by myself."

Alex doesn't get the reference, but when she turns to look at Seth, Seth's grinning from ear to ear, something clear in his eyes. Seth nods. "Yeah, well. You aren't."

Ryan smiles, and Alex tightens her hold on Seth's side. He turns around and kisses Lindsay, and when Ryan pulls away to approach the one person line at the register, Lindsay glances back at her. Lindsay's eyes are as dark as Alex thinks her own are.

*****

Ryan has Lindsay's hand in his, fingers intertwined, and she remembers the way he rubs the back of her palm with his thumb, the way it makes her feel, like holding still so she doesn't miss his touch. They walk, with Seth and Alex somewhere behind them, to the concession stand. She's never been very big on eating during the movies, but she can't watch one without at least a large coke.

Ryan glances over their shoulders, and Lindsay turns around to look as well. Seth nods, a quick movement of his head, and Lindsay turns back around with her next breath. She doesn't want to know what they said with just a glance.

Ryan pauses a little bit off to the side from the queue, looking at her with a soft smile on his lips, almost content. She hopes he is.

"You want something?"

"A coke." Lindsay shrugs. "Just that. I don't really do popcorn during the movies. But if you want--" She turns to look at the list of combo deals, thinking that Ryan might want both popcorn and a coke and maybe some chocolate for her, because chocolate--

"No, that's okay." Ryan nods, his eyes darting to the list as well, before looking back at her. "Seth and I always get the large combo."

Lindsay blinks, thinks she probably didn't hear that right. Then she blinks again and looks at Ryan and _of course_ she heard that right, how could she not? She swallows, nods. "Yeah, sure. Get me some M &Ms and a Milky Way as well." Her smile feels tight on her lips, on her face.

Ryan nods, gives her a quick kiss on her still lips, and then turns to look at Seth, who nods, and the two of them take a step closer to the queue, leaving her with Alex. Alex, who has her arms folded across her chest and looks ready to kick someone. Probably Seth. Or Ryan. Or both.

Lindsay smiles at Alex, this time the smile comes easier to her lips, almost relaxed. "What did you--?"

Alex snorts, shakes her head once. "Coke and popcorn, but it doesn't matter." She tilts her head to the side, regarding Ryan and Seth -- their backs to them, talking amicably and lowly, their heads bent, their voices unheard in the loud theater -- with a glare in her eyes. "I hope they fucking choke on their large combo."

The anger in Alex's tone is something she can definitely identify with. Lindsay thinks nodding would be a little bit unlike her. She shrugs, instead. "They are--"

"--weird? Stupid? Fucking morons?" Alex says with a sardonic smile and Lindsay smiles at her, nodding, almost happy.

"Yeah. They kind of are."

Lindsay takes in Alex for the first time that evening. Her blond hair falling straight over her shoulders, the thin straps of her top, the way it doesn't cover her belly button. The slight dangle of her piercing. Her eyes glance at the butterfly tattoo on her right shoulder, then at her short skirt, only falling up to mid thigh. She smiles.

"I like your piercing," Lindsay says with a grin, her eyes shifting to the soft skin around Alex's navel. "It suits you." It's silver, and shaped like a teardrop, but it does seem to be Alex, fit on a single pendant.

Alex smiles, the smile reaching her eyes, lighting up her whole face. "Thanks."

Alex nods and they turn to look at the boys as they ask for their orders, their shoulders almost touching. Lindsay feels a nudge on her side, almost at her elbow, and she turns around to watch Alex pull her to the side, away from the concession stand and toward the posters.

"I want to watch that movie," she says, jerking her head at the Constantine poster.

Lindsay can only sigh, and if it feels almost as silly as it sounds leaving her lips, Alex doesn't do anything but lift one eyebrow and nod.

"Yes, the man is hot on a stick."

Lindsay chuckles. "I wouldn't have put it that way, no. But he is very--"

"Hot?" Alex says with a shrug, with a smirk. She nods. "I wanna watch it with someone who will drool over the popcorn like I will." She turns around, looks at Lindsay with a raised eyebrow, something in her eyes that reminds her of Ryan. "You in?"

Lindsay blinks, confused. Did Alex just--? They barely exchange ten words whenever they see each other. She glances over Alex's shoulder, her back to the concession stand, and to where Ryan and Seth stand, close together, getting the trays, each one of them with two cokes and popcorn. The tray Seth's carrying has her candy. Then Ryan's tray is his and Seth's. She turns to look back at Alex. She nods. "Sure. I'd love to."

Alex smiles, small and private and for Lindsay alone. Ryan has long ago stopped giving her smiles like that. "Great."

"Hey," Seth says with a smile as he approaches, placing his arm along Alex's shoulders. Lindsay watches Alex's face close off just a little bit, barely even visible unless you're watching the way her eyes darken, the way her lips press close.

Alex nods at Seth, tilting her face, and Seth places a kiss on her cheek. Alex doesn't return it. "Hey," Alex answers back.

Lindsay swallows, smiling at Ryan as he approaches, but doesn't take her hand, his hands filled with the tray. Ryan nods, and smiles back, and they stand there for a second before Seth says it might be a good idea for them to actually go to the theater number 7 and find their seats.

Lindsay walks first, Ryan by his side, and she can hear Seth saying something to Alex that she can't quite catch, at least not the meaning behind the words.

She glances at the one third full theater and sees more than enough seats at the front. She and Ryan always sit around row five. She points toward the front. "Look, over there--"

Ryan shakes his head, Seth and Alex already making their way down the last row of the theater. Alex sits first, and then Seth hands the tray to her, Lindsay realizes. Alex takes it, Seth pulling his seat down now that he has his hands free. Ryan follows them, Seth to Ryan's right, leaving the seat on his left for Lindsay. She frowns, but takes the seat, and notices the way Seth pulls the seat down for Ryan, who has a tray in his hands. Lindsay doesn't say anything. Then again, neither do the boys.

"We always sit down the front," she says with a small smile, confused. 

Ryan shrugs. "I don't know. Seth and I always sit up the back."

Lindsay opens her mouth to say something, but shakes her head at the last moment. She watches Ryan hand Seth his coke, then place the bowl of popcorn on his lap, from where Seth takes a handful. She leans forward in her seat, seeing Alex on the other side of their small row. Seth hands Lindsay her coke and her candy. She places the coke in the holder in the armrest on her left, leaving the one on her right up, in case she wants to curl up to Ryan's side. But she doesn't think that's going to happen, horror movie or not.

She leans forward once again, meeting Alex's eyes, the boys talking quietly and closely, and she wishes she could have sat with Alex.

*****

Coke and popcorn in hand, Alex tells herself she's making too much of a big deal out of nothing. Seth's weird, that’s who he is, and being close to Ryan is part of his... well, charm is not exactly it. More like personality. She takes a sip from her coke and eats a handful of popcorn as the trailers of other movies start.

She leans to her left, closer to Seth, and whispers. "Have you ever read the book, or seen the previous movie? The one that was premiered like twenty years ago? I only saw a little bit of it. Snatches, really, and I don't think--"

"Alex, hmm." Seth shifts on his seat, glancing to his left -- to where Ryan sits -- before turning to look at her once again. "We really shouldn't talk during the movie."

Alex lifts an eyebrow, snorting as she does so. "Why not? We always talk during movies."

"Yeah, but Ryan doesn't like it when I do that."

She closes her eyes for a second, then turns around on her seat, facing the widescreen instead of Seth. She takes a long drink from her coke, and tells herself he can very well go fuck himself on his fucking silence.

The movie starts, and Alex has to agree, that it might not have scared her the first time she saw it -- about four years ago, and what little of it she saw -- but the minute the girl starts going all wonky, the movie seems to develop a life of its own.

When there are weird ass faces on the windows as the camera moves from one room to the other, and she can't help but cringe, she admits that the writer, and maybe even the director, are fucking geniuses.

She glances to her left, to Seth, who has both of his feet planted on the edge of the seat, head tilted to his side -- to his left, to Ryan's side -- face almost hidden on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan has his right arm along Seth's shoulders, holding him close against his chest, hand holding the nape of his neck. Ryan's left hand covers Seth's face, fingers splayed over his ears, and she can see the hand covering the ear tightly, even in the dim light.

Her eyes narrow. Well, there's your knight in shining Range Rover. You should have come with him and not me, you fucking asshole. She snorts, folds her arms on her chest and continues watching the movie.

*****

They walk out of the theater in what Lindsay believes to be uncomfortable silence. Seth's bouncing on his feet, like he has drunk one too many Redbulls, but as far as she knows, he only drank a large coke.

"That's the last time we're watching a horror movie," Ryan says with a snort, with a shake of his head.

Lindsay glances at him, and Seth shakes his head. "No, no, dude. Like. I didn't even--"

And it's then that Lindsay sees the way Ryan presses his lips together, nothing but blue eyes meeting dark brown and Seth sighs, nods and lets it go. Just that. Just a look and some kind of agreement has been reached without another word.

Lindsay swallows past the painful tightness in her throat. She glances at Alex, but she's looking over her shoulder at the theater, like she's seeing something and not at the same time. Like Regan in the movie. Lindsay's reminded of the scene where Regan makes her way down the stairs on her hands, her back taut as a bowstring, and she shudders. She thinks she might have to sleep with the light on tonight, the movie was really awful.

She glances back at Ryan, who is nudging Seth with his elbow, and Seth chuckles in response. The tightness in the back on her throat.

"We should go. It's late."

Ryan turns to look at her, away from Seth's face for a second, and nods. "Sure."

She nods once again, folds her arms on her chest, her fingers not quite digging into her skin.

*****

When Seth drops Alex off at her door, he leans forward and places a kiss on her lips. She doesn't kiss him back. She remembers watching Ryan walk Lindsay to her door from the back seat, Seth sitting in the passenger seat. Not even on the way back did the two morons have the bright idea to maybe sit with their respective girlfriends? 

Seth pulls away, and his face creases in a frown and for a second, she dares him to tell her something, so she can start the fight she's been dying to have. She doesn't care if it's at her front door, with Ryan waiting in the Rover. But Seth smiles at her a second later, gives her another quick kiss on her still lips, and says, "so, I'll call you tomorrow?"

She snorts, but nods. And fuck if she isn't a glutton for punishment, huh? 

"Yeah, sure." Whatever. I hope you fucking enjoy--

"Okay." Another quick kiss, and Seth still doesn't realize that she isn't fucking kissing him back, or he just doesn't care anymore.

They say their goodbyes, and she locks the door after herself upon entering her apartment. She drops her keys on the coffee table and sheds her clothes as she makes her way to her bedroom. By the time she pulls the covers down, she's fucking tired to the fucking bone and in nothing but her panties. She sheds those as well. She pulls the sheet over her body, thinks for a second that she should, at least, call the club to make sure everything's running smoothly and it hasn't burned down to the ground. But going out with Seth -- and Ryan -- is so fucking tiresome, that she can't think beyond her bed, her sheets, and maybe breaking up with Seth in the foreseeable future.

She falls asleep before she decides whether tomorrow or the day after that works best for her.

*****

Lindsay turns off the engine of her car, glancing at the Cohens house. She sighs, pulling her hair back where it had fallen over her shoulders while she drove. She walks off the car, making her way up to the front door. She's about to knock when the door opens, Sandy standing there, in Bermuda shorts and a t-shirt, a smile on his face.

"I thought I heard a car," he says with a smile, and she can see Seth's smile on his lips, and she smiles back. "Come on in," he says, taking a step back.

She nods, walking inside. "I was just--"

"Looking for Ryan, yeah." Sandy says, walking through the living room, a surfboard leaning against one of the walls, and into the kitchen, where a pot of coffee is dripping on the machine. He grabs a set of keys from the small ceramic bowl on the corner of the counter. "I'm gonna hit the waves for a couple of hours." He says before patting her shoulder as he makes his way around the kitchen. "Tell the boys I'm taking the car."

Lindsay nods. "Yes, of course. Sandy--"

"Oh, and the boys are in the pool house," Sandy says over his shoulder, and when she tries to ask him, "the boys?", he's already out of her line of sight, and two seconds later she can hear the front door opening and closing.

She sighs, eyeing the coffee pot that will be ready in a few minutes, the mug on the sink, meaning Sandy has been up for a while and finished at least more than one cup. There are bagels in a bag, and she's certain they are still warm, either for Ryan or Seth, or for Kirsten, or for all three of them. And the thoughtfulness of it makes Lindsay's heart still and then start beating once again.

Her house, she and her mother, had always danced to their own beat. Almost like dancing around each other, not with each other, and she had never know she resented that to a point until now.

She blinks that thought away, the smell of bagels still in her nose as she pushes past the French doors and into the backyard. There's the barbeque and the lounge chairs to her right, the pool and the breathtaking view of the ocean to her left. She stands there for a second, just taking in the smell and the sight and the place and how this is her family now, and how she wishes she could have met them all years ago.

If she had, she would have never dated Ryan. She snorts at that, walking the five steps up to the pool house, pausing before the closed door and pulled curtains for a second. Then again, maybe that wouldn't have been such a bad idea, for all their sakes.

She knocks on the door once, but the sound is hollow in the early morning, and she doesn't get an answer. She can't see anything because of the pulled curtains, but it's not like she hasn't seen Ryan without many clothes on before. And it's not like Seth ever had any qualms about walking in when she was with Ryan. And she is his girlfriend, at least, for now.

She turns the knob and pushes the door open, taking one step forward, feet on the wooden floor of the pool house, and she pauses, her breath in her throat, in her mouth, dying in a soft gasp.

Ryan's lying on the bed, on his back, eyes closed. And Seth's lying on Ryan's left side, curled around Ryan's body, arm draped over Ryan's chest, hand holding on the side of his sternum. Seth's left leg is thrown over Ryan's, visible under the thin white sheet that pools on around Seth's back and clutched in Seth's left hand, as well as Ryan's t-shirt. Seth's face is hidden in the crook of Ryan's neck. Ryan's face is turned slightly to his side, chin touching Seth's temple, nose and lips almost smelling, almost kissing Seth's hair. Ryan's right arm is holding Seth tightly to his side, protectively, lovingly.

There are a million and one thoughts running through her mind, but she quiets them all with an absentminded flicker. She only stands where she is, hand around the doorknob, only one foot inside the pool house, the light from the high morning sun sliding in through the opened door. 

It's that light falling in onto the edge of the bed, probably warming Ryan's right leg and forearm, which wakes him up. Lindsay watches Ryan blink slowly, not quite shifting on the bed, before burrowing his nose in Seth's hair, and this time, she has no doubt that he's breathing in deeply. Ryan's forearm, visible with the sleeveless t-shirt he's wearing, tensing, the muscle standing out, as Ryan tightens his hold on Seth, bringing him closer. Seth seems to hide deeper in Ryan's neck, and Ryan places a kiss on the verge of Seth's forehead and hairline.

Lindsay swallows, her mouth slightly open, laughter bubbling in her throat and out past her lips, low and barely above a whisper, and the sound is nothing close to joyful. "Of course," she says under her breath. "Of course, what else could I possibly expect--?"

"Lin'say?"

She blinks, focusing on the bed and the two boys before her, instead of on the surprise making its way all over her skin. Ryan's eyes are open, blinking out rapidly, trying to push out the sleep from his mind, probably. Ryan's eyes are wide open and looking right at her, even as his arm tightens around Seth, and Seth shifts on the bed, something like a sigh leaving his lips in a whisper.

"Shhh," Ryan says under his breath, turning his head to his left, almost absentmindedly, pacifying Seth, like he does this all the time. Like he's familiar with this situation.

Lindsay can't see Ryan's left arm, buried somewhere underneath Seth. Ryan rubs his eyes with his right fist, before running it through his hair.

"Give me a sec, will you?" Ryan's voice is pitched low, so as not to wake Seth, obviously. Lindsay's eyes narrow, anger burning hot and bright and deep inside her, from her very core all the way up to her fingertips and over her skin.

Ryan shifts to his left and Seth only slides closer, burrowing his face in Ryan's chest, hands holding tightly to Ryan's shirt. Ryan smiles, the corner of his lip curling upward, a small and indulgent smile, a smile that speaks loud and clear of affection and love. It's in the next shift that Lindsay realizes that Ryan's left arm had been around Seth's back, almost resting on his hip as the hand moves under the thin sheet that slides down to pool around Seth's waist now.

With his right hand, Ryan pushes back a curl behind one ear, smile still present on his lips. Lindsay can feel bile rise in her throat, her right hand curling into a fist, her left hand still holding the doorknob tightly between numb fingers.

Ryan's right hand falls on Seth's left hand, gripping Ryan's side tightly. Ryan's fingers rub invisible patterns in the back of the palm and Seth's hand relaxes, fingers going slack. Ryan smiles as he lifts the hand, their fingers not quite intertwining as he does so, and placing it in between them, on the bed.

A sound leaves Seth's lips as Ryan slides his arm from underneath Seth in the same motion, as slow and stealthy as possible, a sound that's almost a whimper of loss. Ryan smiles, leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to Seth's temple.

"Shhh, shh. It's okay. I've got you. Sleep," Ryan says, lips against Seth's skin, smile visible from where Lindsay stands frozen by the door.

Another shift, and Ryan can slide his arm from under Seth, pulling it away and slowly, so very slowly, Lindsay's breath catches in her throat, sliding to the edge of the bed. Ryan pulls the covers over Seth, around his shoulders, and Seth burrows his face in Ryan's pillow instead of Ryan's chest this time around.

Ryan stands up, jerking his head toward the back yard, the kitchen, and Lindsay stands there for another moment, her gaze shifting from Ryan to Seth -- on Ryan's bed, sleeping peacefully, probably overnight, right hand under his head, left hand gripping the edge of the pillow as he had been gripping Ryan's side not even a minute ago.

She lifts her eyes to look at Ryan once again, who looks back at her with calm blue eyes that don't show anything, and she's at a loss as to what she should be more pissed at. The fact that she can't read Ryan, maybe never could, that Seth can read Ryan like an open book, or that what little she can guess from Ryan's clear blue eyes is that there's nothing to be sorry about letting your not quite brother sleep in your bed and then your not for long girlfriend walk in on that.

She sighs and turns on her heel, making her way past the barbeque and down the five steps to the kitchen. She walks inside, looking over her shoulder at Ryan, as she stands by the stools.

Ryan walks in, scrubbing his face with one hand, before making his way directly to the pot of coffee that has finished dripping. He reaches blindly for a mug in the first upper cabinet, pulling out a black mug.

"Want coffee?" He asks, not turning around to look at her, and Lindsay's fingers grip the edge of the kitchen island tightly. "There are bagels. There's cream cheese in the--"

"I'm fine. No."

Ryan nods, his back still to her, and Lindsay opens her mouth wide and feels a scream on her throat, wanting to be let out, and yet her mouth falls closed with anger and frustration. Ryan walks around the kitchen island, black mug in his hand. He opens one of the fridge doors and pulls out a pot of cream cheese, turning around, closing the fridge with the heel of his bare foot. He places the mug on the corner of the counter, reaching for the bag of bagels and pulling one out. He cuts it with a contraption which sole purpose is that, and then picks up one of the knives and starts buttering cream cheese.

Lindsay just stands there, aghast, in shock, wanting to yell at him and being unable to do so.

"What was Seth doing in your room?"

At last!, she can't help but think. Finally, you idiot, open your mouth and say something. You should have started screaming your head off the moment you saw them!

Ryan shrugs, normal and casual and all of those things he shouldn't be, and Lindsay can feel her outrage turning into downright rage because that was Seth in Ryan's bedroom, in Ryan's bed and Lindsay has never spent the night there so why should Seth and oh my God, her brain screams, wasn't it so foolishly stupid of her to be jealous of Marissa for even a second when she should have been watching for Seth putting the moves on her boyfriend, goddamnit.

Ryan takes a long swallow of his coffee before taking a bite of his bagel. "Seth got scared because of the movie," he says with a small smile on his face that's not quite hidden by the mug almost touching his lips. "Stupid, really." He takes another drink of his coffee. "I knew he'd get scared. Seth knew he'd get scared. He gets scared after horror movies, ends up sleeping with me. But he wanted to see it." He chuckles, more than just amusement audible in the sound, but words by sounds and looks is a language Lindsay was never able to master. "Seth says large exposure should breed resilience, but I don't see that plan working."

"He ends up sleeping with you?" She asks, but what she really wants to ask is, Seth's done this before? You've done this before and I never knew?

Ryan nods, calmly and before taking a bite of his bagel. "Yeah," he says. "Seth and I watch a horror movie that I never want to watch--"

But Seth presses on and you're always weak when it comes down to something he wants, he asks of you.

"-- but we end up watching it and then Seth gets scared of his own shadow in his bedroom." Ryan shrugs. "We saw The Ring on DVD last year and Seth was certain that girl was going to end up crawling out of one of his walls. He ended up calling me on my cell to come get him from his room. He couldn't even face putting one foot on the floor, let alone walking down the dark hallway," Ryan says with a lift of his eyebrows, amusement in his voice. "This time, it'd have been stupid to pretend he was going to get scared. I just went with him to his room for his pajamas and then went to the pool house." He shrugs. "He always ends up scared of his own shadow. It's not like I can leave him alone."

No, no, Lindsay thinks. Of course not. He needed you. And everything he needs, he must have.

She swallows; watching Ryan take another drink of his coffee, finish his bagel. Smile at her and not say anything with his eyes, with his smile, except that it's almost expected that she should come and see him and not ask anything about his behavior with and toward Seth. She can't ask that which she isn't allowed to question. And she might have been toying with the idea of breaking up with him, but she can't lie to herself any longer.

Because it had never been about her. It had never been about her at all. It had always been about Ryan. About Seth. About Ryan and Seth. Ryan and Seth. Three words meaning more than Lindsay had understood at the time. More than she might ever understand, even if she could know them for a thousand years. Because many people will love Seth, but none so pure and deep as Ryan.

"I think we should break up," she says, and for once watches his face contort into something that's not influenced by Seth at all, and she is proud of that.

Twenty minutes later, after she has told Ryan that the separation is final and that there is nothing he can say that will make her change her mind, after she has told him that it has nothing to do with something he has done that he can fix -- close to changing his very genetic code, but she doesn't say that -- but that it's just not working, and she's very sorry for that, Lindsay walks out of the Cohen house.

She gets into her car, takes out her cell phone and dials a number she didn't have until last night, when they went to the bathroom right after the movie.

It's almost eight thirty in the morning, and the phone is picked up after two rings.

"Hello?"

Lindsay smiles at the voice she recognizes. "Hey. I just thought you should know. I just broke up with Ryan."

And she proceeds to tell Alex about what she saw when she walked into the pool house.

*****

Alex places the phone back on the cradle and sighs. She throws her arm over her face to cover her eyes, still lying on the bed. She had been fast asleep when Lindsay called her. She had sat up at the mention of Ryan, and Seth, and bed, and cuddled, all in the same sentence. And she had lain back down once again when Lindsay got into the specifics of her breakup.

It shouldn't surprise her, she knows. Though she's not sure if she means Lindsay breaking up with Ryan, or Seth crawling into Ryan's bed in the middle of the night. She gnaws on the inside of her cheek for a moment before pushing back the covers and looking for the jeans she wore yesterday afternoon, when she was still at the club. She's sure she left a pack of cigarettes there. She actually finds the pack on her kitchen counter and makes her way back to bed.

She's finds a Bic lighter in one of her nightstand drawers and lights a cigarette, taking a long drag from it. She breathes out the smoke.

Well, it wasn't like she thought she could fix the relationship. You can't really fix something that's not broken, just not there. And you can't fix something when there's something there, either.

It's just been one too many times. One too many. One too many that she can count and pass off as brotherly love. And she's fucking tired of lying to herself every other day, every other phone call to ask what Ryan wants for dinner, or if Seth emailed a classmate about a paper due the following day. She's fucking tired, and she believes denial isn’t really worth shit.

Let Seth do the denial, not her.

She sighs, takes another long drag of her cigarette and picks up the phone. She dials a number she knows almost by heart and is not surprised when Ryan picks up.

"Hello?"

Ryan sounds normal and calm, not at all surprised -- let alone heartbroken -- about his own breakup.

"Is Seth around?"

There's a pause on the other end of the line, and then she can hear shifting -- sheets being moved; a bed? what the fuck? -- and whispers -- hey, hey, Seth? Seth? Come on, you start flapping around on the bed like a fish out of water and I swear to God -- and then Seth finally on the phone. If Alex can picture Ryan on the pool house bed and Seth curled around him, deeply asleep, it's because Lindsay has a thing for over detailed explanations.

"--Uh?"

Seth, more half asleep than half awake, and Alex can almost smile at the sound. It's a nice sound, and though she's fucking pissed off at Seth for not really cheating on her, the sound doesn't resemble fingernails against a blackboard. Uh huh, who would have thought? Alex would have bet she'd be way bitter and at least ten times bitchier than she feels at the moment.

Oh, she'd still nurture him if she could, but she has to accept that a tiger can never really change its stripes.

"Seth. I'm breaking up with you."

*****

Lindsay doesn't have any classes with Ryan on Monday, but she has AP English and Literature, and Seth's taking both. She sits at the front, in the second row, and Seth has taken a seat about two or three rows behind her. She turns to look at him over her shoulders, notices the way Seth's head is tilted to the side, the way his eyes are fixed on the front but remain unseeing. 

She sighs, turning back around, copying down the latest information about Edgar Allan Poe. She thinks fleetingly about Ryan, and Seth, but the thought ends there when she shakes her head and copies down what the professor is saying.

*****

Neither Seth nor Ryan go to the Bait Shop the following week, not that Alex expected them to. 

She works and makes sure the guys in the band don't get too drunk to play, because that already happened once last month and that was a bitch to explain. She thinks for a second about how she should have known that she wouldn't lose Seth to the boredom of her life or tiredness of the brand new thing, but to someone who knows Seth better than Alex could ever wish to.

She pulls her hair back in between her hands and picks it up with those chopsticks she bought ages ago in a market close to her old house. She thinks about calling Lindsay, asking her if she knows something of the boys. She doesn't.

*****

Lindsay crosses paths with Ryan in the hallway on Tuesday morning, three hours before their physics class.

She pauses almost at the same time Ryan does, looking at one another, not saying a thing.

God, awkward doesn't even being to describe it. Her hand tightens on the strap of her bag and Ryan looks at her, and they blink at one another, and then she sees Seth making his way toward them, toward Ryan, from around the corner.

She swallows, gives Ryan a tight smile, and makes her way down the hallway. Seth only half glances at her, but doesn't pause, and neither does she.

She turns around the corner, finally, and leans against the wall, her breathing sounding harsh in her ears. She takes in a short breath, lets it out. Takes another one, lets it out once again. She pushes her hair over her shoulder, then stands up straight and walks down the hallway to her AP Chem class, not once looking back.

*****

On Thursday night, Alex is tending the bar, and she catches sight of the girl with the long dark hair -- Summer, Alex is pretty sure her name was -- making her way into the pub with her new boyfriend. Summer, Seth's ex.

Alex snorts, remembering a time not so long ago when she was a little bit -- okay, a lot, but she had every fucking right to be, damn it -- jealous of her.

Alex pours the guy at the bar -- twenty, easy, cute and with amazing green eyes -- the coke he asked for. The guy winks at Alex and she snorts, because she's not going down that road. She could, sure, but right now, she's not in the mood for that. If she wanted a one night stand, there's Mandy, who wouldn't bat an eye at Alex making a pass at her for the night.

Alex watches Summer stand close to her boyfriend -- jockish, kinda cute, if you're into that -- and Alex smiles and nods. Thinks good, good for you. Be with that guy. Seth? Totally thinking about another guy all together.

She smirks, and pours herself a shot of tequila and watches the band as she leaves the bar to find Mandy.

*****

There's AP Physics on Friday as well, and Lindsay and Ryan still sit on opposite sides of the classroom.

She writes everything down and reminds herself she has to go over chapter 15 tomorrow, at the latest, but preferably today. 

By the end of the class, as she's packing her bag, she glances over her shoulder at the door. Seth's there, standing under the threshold. Waiting for Ryan.

She glances at Ryan, who hurries out of the class and pushes Seth outside a bit more harshly than necessary. She sighs, doesn't really feel anything bitter or angry in her chest, and thinks about that as she zips her bag.

*****

Alex tends to do her shopping in the early afternoon. Mostly, because she's always up around lunch and has to be in the club before five.

Basket in hand that Friday -- filled with a bottle of vodka, a six pack of beer and boxed hamburgers -- she makes her way to one of the shortest queues in the market. Out of the corner of her eyes, something makes her blink, turn to her left. She sees a blond head and another with dark curls walking down one of the aisles, the one furthest from her.

She pauses for a second, glancing at the queue -- only two people before her -- and then back at the aisle. She sighs, in exasperation, because she didn't use to be this nosy before Seth.

She keeps on cursing under her breath as she quickens her pace, pausing before the corner, the beginning of the aisle. She can feel her heart beating loudly in her chest and this is so fucking stupid of her, but God, she really wants to know if they are, well, dating would be the word. Fucking would be a bit more appropriate.

She smirks, peering around the corner, an old lady giving her the evil eye. Alex glares back at the old broad, before trying to catch Seth's curls. Something that could have been Seth's curls turns around, to the aisle on her left. She grumbles under her breath, peering around the other side of the corner.

She can't see squat because there's a mother with two kids in the cereal aisle and the kids are making so much noise she wonders how the mother doesn't just kill them and be done with it.

And then the woman moves across the aisle when both her kids go there, and Alex can see Ryan and Seth standing next to a shopping cart, Seth with two boxes of cereal. Alex can't quite tell, but she thinks Ryan's looking back at Seth with a small -- tender -- smile on his lips, and amusement in his eyes. Seth says something and Ryan chuckles, shakes his head and takes only one box of cereal. Seth, Alex reads by his facial expression, complains, but Ryan only shakes his head.

Alex sighs, turning away, leaning against the corner, hidden away from them. She could stand here and watch them for an hour, and wouldn't see anything new. She knows that means very little. And that's no confirmation of anything. They behave like that on a daily basis. They behaved like that _right in front of her._

She snorts to herself, making her way to the closest and shortest queue. It's not like she needs to know. It's not like--

She cuts in front of a girl two years younger than her, just as the girl was arriving at the queue. The kid -- nothing but a kid, Alex wouldn't even let her into the Bait Shop -- glares at her and Alex glares back. The kid snorts at Alex and turns away. She stands in the queue, only one person before her, and the one already at the cashier.

It's not like she has to know, she thinks once again, her mind going round and round. She broke up with Seth because she was tired of that shit, of the same shit over and over again. Of being second to Ryan. They were together for as long as they were -- five months and one week -- mostly because she kept telling herself that Seth was kind and nice and all those things her boyfriends, and girlfriends before, had never been. She kept telling herself coming right after Ryan -- as if being loved by Seth was a race -- was good enough.

Laugher she's familiar with makes her look over her shoulder, and she sees Ryan and Seth walking out of the cereal aisle and into the next, not twenty feet from her, and still not seeing her. Ryan has that ever present smile on his lips, at least when it comes down to Seth. A smile equal parts amusement and endearment.

She turns back, standing with her back to them, as if making a statement, and maybe she is. She snorts, shaking her head, and the woman before her moves forward to the cashier.

And maybe because of resentment, or frustration, or a little bit of both, she digs out her cell phone from her bag and calls the number she saved a little over a week ago. Lindsay answers on the fourth ring.

"Hey," Alex says with a grin she feels real on her lips, for the first time in too long a while, "how about we see Constantine and drool over Keanu like God intended us to?"

*****

For Physics, there are five lab reports to hand in. When Lindsay goes over her academic calendar on Saturday, she remembers that yes, lab report number four has to be handed in the following Friday. Meaning, she has to talk to Ryan. Actually talk with Ryan this time around, not just glance at him across the classroom, pretending they can be civil. She can be civil. She has to. They are her family. Seth's her... nephew? And God, she really doesn't want to give that more than a second's thought or she'll end up more freaked out than she is half the time. And if Seth and Ryan ever actually get their heads out of their collective asses and Seth makes a decent man out of Ryan, then that means Ryan will be her nephew in law or something just as freaky as that.

She shudders, pulling into the driveway of the Cohens late in the afternoon, and walking to the front door.

She could have very easily just called Ryan and arranged a place and time that's not the Cohen house. But this is her family damn it, and if she has to face Ryan, it better be sooner rather than later.

She knocks on the door and it's Kirsten who answers it.

"Lindsay," Kirsten says, before pulling her into a hug. Lindsay smiles against her sister's blonde hair.

"Hey, I just--"

"Come on in."

Lindsay walks inside, following her to the living room. "I just wanted to talk with Ryan, about our physic's paper."

Kirsten nods, her whole complexion changing, into understanding and comfort. Ryan told her. "Yeah. He told me about you two--"

Lindsay ducks her head, not knowing if she should be grateful or not. It has been almost a week since she talked with Kirsten last, and she kept telling herself it had nothing to do with the breakup. And maybe it did. A little bit. She's still not sure.

"Yeah," she says with a shrug. "It just--"

It wasn't meant to be, she thinks, the words losing bitterness as they go through her mind. The only thing she ever wanted, that consciously couldn't have, was a father. And now, well, she has a family.

She chuckles. "It's okay. We're still friends. We're... fine." And they are. From her part, they are.

Kirsten nods, happy and relieved. "I'm glad. I didn't want you, or him, to," she shrugs, trailing off, and Lindsay nods. She knows. "He's upstairs, in Seth's bedroom, if you want to--"

"Yeah, sure."

"I'll be in the kitchen when you're finished. I'd love to catch up with you."

Lindsay smiles, at moments like this still surprised that she gets to call Kirsten her sister. "Sure. I'd love to."

Kirsten touches her shoulder briefly before letting go, and turning back to the kitchen. Lindsay takes in a short breath and makes her way up the stairs. She knows Seth's bedroom is the second door on the right. Ryan took her there for a minute one afternoon, when he forgot his HP calculator on Seth's nightstand. What Ryan was doing in Seth's bedroom with the calculator, she hadn't wanted to ask.

She pauses outside the door and thinks about knocking on it, only the door is wide open. She sighs, taking a step inside. There's the closet half open to her right and as she comes to the end of the wall on her left, she cranes her neck to the left, and pauses in her step.

She snorts in the back of her throat. Really, when it comes to these two, she really needs to learn how to knock.

Ryan's lying on the bed, half leaning against the pillow behind his head, against the backboard. He has a book in his hands, and for some weird reason, she hopes it's not Physics. Seth's sitting cross-legged, his knee almost touching Ryan's thigh, a small smile on Seth's lips.

Lindsay shakes her head once, wanting to take a step back and actually knock on the stupid door, and then Seth reaches out, the back of his hand touching Ryan's jaw, up to his cheek. A caress, soft and short and sweet, and Lindsay closes her eyes at the sight, not quite seeing Ryan leaning into the touch, and takes a step back. She steps back until she's standing outside in the hallway, her breathing harsh and loud in her ears.

Really, she tells herself, when are you going to learn?

She chuckles, soft in her throat, and knocks on the wide open door. 

"Mom, what are you--?"

"It's me, Seth," Lindsay calls out, leaning against the wall, her right hand slowly unclenching. Wow, she hadn't even noticed. "I need to talk with--"

"Lindsay," Ryan says, walking out of Seth's bedroom, a small frown in between his eyebrows. "What are you--?"

"The next lab report has to be given this week," she says, shrugging as she does so. She's looking right at Ryan, at the way he's standing, at the way his eyes look back at her. She glances at his neck, at the skin she can see with his long sleeve sweater and she doesn't even know what she's looking for. Marks of some kind? God, is she looking for bitemarks? She's insane, that's what she is. "I thought we could--?"

Ryan nods. "Yeah, yeah, sure. Hmm. Has to be handed in on Friday, right?" Lindsay nods and Ryan continues, "yeah, sure. Tomorrow, you think? In the afternoon?"

"I can't. I promised my mom--"

"Oh, okay. Tuesday, then?"

"What about Monday?"

Ryan ducks his head, the color of his skin on his cheeks darkening and Lindsay can't help but smile as she realizes he's actually blushing right here, before her. "I can't. I told Seth we'd--"

"Oh, it's okay," she says with a smile she can't believe is on her lips. She thought she was bitter. Apparently, not so much, no. "I totally--"

"He just really wants to watch Constantine and we have dinner on Sundays, mandatory. Kirsten's always saying how she doesn't see enough of us--"

"Oh, it's okay. Don't worry." She smiles, nodding. And Ryan looks so, God, just so. His cheeks are still a little bit pink and when he looks up, his blue eyes are clear and so perfectly blue and he looks happy, and Lindsay knows she cares for him enough to want that for him, and this is it. This is Ryan, happy, and Lindsay's glad she's enough of a woman to be happy for Ryan, even if that means Ryan being with Seth. "It's okay. I get it. I don't mind."

She catches Ryan's eyes, and Ryan's jaw tightens for a second, but then relaxes, and she wants to tell him that she really does get it, doesn't mind but--

"Tuesday?"

Lindsay sighs. "No, I'm meeting Alex, actually."

Ryan frowns. "Alex?"

"Yeah," Lindsay says with a smile, because it feels like it's been forever since she had a true female friend she could dish with. "Alex, as in Alex--"

"Alex Kelly?"

She has to say, she really likes that confused look on Ryan's face. "Yeah. She's really cool once you get to know her."

And she gets me, she thinks, but doesn't say so. She gets me and she knows about you two and she's funny. And she's someone I can talk to.

"Oh," Ryan says, more of that cute confused look on his face that makes Lindsay grin. "Oh, I'm glad."

"Yeah. So, Wednesday?"

Ryan's face smoothes after a second, and he nods. "Yeah, sure. Wednes--"

"Wednesday what?"

Lindsay watches Ryan's face shift into something he never saw directed at her, soft and tender and other words that mean more in looks than in words. Ryan turns to look at Seth over his shoulder, and Lindsay looks at Seth, looking back at Ryan the same way and yes, this right here, this fits as well. 

And it was so stupid of them, she notices in that second, because she laughs out loud and with her whole face and talks too much and she must be almost everything Seth is, and yet not quite so. And Alex is a bit quieter and so independent and she is kind of everything Ryan is and yet not really, and of course Ryan and Seth had to fall for them because they were looking for the female equivalents of that.

Lindsay shakes her head once, and Ryan and Seth exchange one look and a million words and she nods and smiles and thinks, you can know a thing and never really know what you're going to think of it until you see it. Because right now, she's no longer bitter, but pleased and a bit happy for them, very much happy for them.

Seth looks at her, and meets Lindsay's eyes, and smiles at her. "Hey. I take it mom opened the door?"

Lindsay smiles. "Yeah, she said you'd be here, so I thought," she shrugs.

Seth's grinning, like he knows, like he knows she knows and doesn't mind, and might even be a bit grateful. Nothing to be grateful for, not really. "Wanna stay for dinner?"

The question takes her by surprise, but she's smiling, and she's nodding before she knows she is. "Yeah, I'd love to."

Ryan turns to look at her and nods, and smiles. "Great."

"Yeah," she says, and turns to walk down to the stairs, and knows Ryan and Seth are following, and wonders if they are holding hands.

She wants to look over her shoulder, but she doesn't, hoping sometime soon they feel comfortable enough to trust her with that. She does glance as she walks into the kitchen, and they are just walking together, one closer to the other, shoulders almost touching but not quite so, and that's them, and she recognizes that in them.

Seth tells Kirsten that Lindsay's staying for dinner, and Kirsten's happy, and Seth asks what's for dinner, meaning, what will Kirsten call for. Ryan asks about Sandy, and Kirsten says that he'll be arriving soon. Lindsay watches them move around each other, Ryan and Seth doing that dance they do with one another, like they know where the other stands, and Lindsay thinks about calling Alex and letting her know that she didn't imagine that in the store, that they are together, and she knows Alex might not be happy for them right now, but she will be. It's easy, when it's like that, so obvious, so them. Because their emotional commitment to one another is so much a fact of life, they can't lie to one another.

Lindsay nods at a question, laughs at what Seth says, and watches Ryan smile with indulgence and love in his face, and smiles, and knows Alex will be happy for them. Lindsay will go to one of the concerts Alex loves so much, and they'll watch Constantine, and they'll be fine.

She watches them, and thinks she never did quite get them. She might never, but she doesn't need to. Not to see this, and be here, and smile at them, and be a family with them, and be fine with that as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter could even be read as a pre slash instead of a full on relationship (which I'm pretty sure it's how I intended it) mostly because they've always been that touchy feely with one another. But it's up to you!

**Author's Note:**

> I love the boys, and I specially love these two girls, but man, I originally thought that they had to know that this wasn't happening, that they were more in love with each other than they'd ever be with them, you know? Just my opinion, though. *s*


End file.
